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Back To Work Advice!

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

Back To Work Advice!

Postby amillhouse » Sun May 16, 2004 12:57 am

by amillhouse (587 Posts), Sun May 16, 2004 12:57 am

Hi Ladies:

Well Monday will be three months since Isaiah died, and I am also going back to work. A week ago a felt at peace about it, but tonite I am feeling a bit anxious. My counsellor even made sure that we have a session tomorrow to "debrief" it. Any advice for handling back to work - I don't want to push myself too hard because I don't know how strong I REALLY am. Would appreciate any feedback.

Thanks!


Anika

Mommy to Isaiah Dumisani Millhouse
20 January - 17 February 2004
Born at 28 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia
Died at 28 days old of pneumonia
610 grams at birth
950 grams at death
My Angel Boy
"My firstborn, I will never forget you, always love you, and never replace you"
[URL=http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/d/dumisani]Isaiah's Website[/URL]
amillhouse
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Posts: 587
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Re : Back To Work Advice!

Postby josiah1112 » Sun May 16, 2004 03:14 pm

by josiah1112 (1368 Posts), Sun May 16, 2004 03:14 pm

Sorry you are feeling anxious. Did you stop in
for a visit before Monday? I never went back to
work, but I did visit. The people were so nice and
compassionate to me - saying things like- You
are one of the most caring women I know, I can't
believe this had to happen to you!! It brought
me to tears a couple of times. Not because I
think that I should be exempt from anything that may
part of being human but because they cried real tears
themselves. I couldn't believe it!! People will also
share things with you that you would have never
imagined. One women shared of her stillbirth, another
of her 5 miscarriages and no live babies, etc.
Anyway, please take it easy. I'm glad you will see
your counselor after work, even though I suspect
you will be exhausted by the end of the day.
Please let us know how it goes.

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e
Moderator- Foro Latino
Future Adoptive Mom
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Re : Back To Work Advice!

Postby mada » Sun May 16, 2004 04:02 pm

by mada (4081 Posts), Sun May 16, 2004 04:02 pm

Just wanted to wish you all the best on your first day back. I hope it isn't too diffilcult for you...I will be thinking of you!! You are a courageous woman!!!

Mada Harpster-pregnant again moderator

Sam 6-29-00 36weeks P.E.
Ben 11-03-01 No P.E.
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Re : Back To Work Advice!

Postby angelkat » Sun May 16, 2004 05:00 pm

by angelkat (3423 Posts), Sun May 16, 2004 05:00 pm

One of the hardest things to do is to go on with life. Going back to work can be rewarding and scary all at the same time.

Just know that it's alright to tear up, it's alright to cry. Maybe ask for half days for the first week just to get back into the swing of things.

For me, I lost my job while preg with Katlyne which was a blessing for me. I was able to "look" for work and was hired by the local hospital. I was very rewarding to have a place to go each day and not to think about what had happened. Knowing all along that my sweet baby girl was right there with me. Sure, I would/and still do tear up at times, but now they are happy tears of sweet memories we have.

Let us know how you make out. I'll keep you in my prayers for comfort, strength and peace.
HUGE HUGS

Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
Mommy to
Drew(13)
Ky (11)
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03) & Casey (EDD 09/10 or 09/11-Sure he will be here in Aug)
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=/Archives/MountHope&Sort=V
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Re : Back To Work Advice!

Postby dja » Sun May 16, 2004 09:02 pm

by dja (895 Posts), Sun May 16, 2004 09:02 pm

Anika - I have been back at work for about a month now. My first week was hard, but it got better after that. (I went back on a Tuesday, but it sounds like you are going Monday. If I had it to do again, I'd make my first day back a Wednesday!) One thing that helped me was to be very honest with my boss (and I am lucky to have a great boss) about how hard things were, how sick I got, and how I felt unsure about being back at work. My office has let me set my own pace, and I'm gradually having an easier time focusing on my work. For the first two weeks, I really got almost nothing done.

I also found it helped to choose a trusted colleague or two to ask to have lunch in case no one asks you - many folks at my office lunch every day at their desks. This helped me to get back to more normal contact with my closer colleagues, amd since I am closer to them, I was able to share a bit about my experience and it helped things seem less awkward.

One other note - get yourself prepared for the oddball reactions. My counselor suggested memorizing a line or two response for when people say well-meaning but distressing things. I think I used "It's been hard, but I'm getting better" and a simple "thanks for your concern"

Good luck. Let us know how you are managing.

DJA
Mom to Amelia, b/d 03/19/04 @ 22 weeks due to sever PE
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Re : Back To Work Advice!

Postby for faith » Mon May 17, 2004 10:04 am

by for faith (1749 Posts), Mon May 17, 2004 10:04 am

Anika - I hope the day was ok for you. It was very hard for me to go back to work, but felt I really needed to. I went back about a month and a half after Faith died. I took it slowly and the first week took half days. Everyone was great and didn't say to much, which for me was better. I was definately drained though. I am used to running at a very fast pace with everything in my life and with Faith's death it really slowed me down. I was mad at first with that, but now allow myself to be a little slower. I hope you do too. Please take care and take it slow. Really hoping this week isn't too hard. Let us know. Isaiah is very proud of you, I'm sure.





Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH)
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe preeclampsia, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(preemie complications))
for faith
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Re : Back To Work Advice!

Postby amillhouse » Tue May 18, 2004 02:10 pm

by amillhouse (587 Posts), Tue May 18, 2004 02:10 pm

Thanks so much for your advice and encouragement. Oh, yes, I had been to the office a few times before. My office came to the funeral and also held a prayer meeting (South African custom) at my house. They have really supported us.

Being back at work has been good these last two days but still hard. Lots of people that I work with (not at work but those we work with in schools and business) didn't know Isaiah died, so I am getting a lot of "How's the baby?"s What a shocker!! It's hard but I am amazed at how I have been coping. I didn't even flinch! So I keep having to share over and over which does have some healing effects thought and I am getting a lot of hugs in the process. I put Isaiah's pic up in my office - no one has mentioned it and well, that's ok but I love to look at him, he's the cutest! Thanks again for your support.



Anika

Mommy to Isaiah Dumisani Millhouse
20 January - 17 February 2004
Born at 28 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia
Died at 28 days old of pneumonia
610 grams at birth
950 grams at death
My Angel Boy
"My firstborn, I will never forget you, always love you, and never replace you"
[URL=http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/d/dumisani]Isaiah's Website[/URL]
amillhouse
Registered User
 
Posts: 587
Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2004 05:09 am

Re : Back To Work Advice!

Postby angelkat » Tue May 18, 2004 02:15 pm

by angelkat (3423 Posts), Tue May 18, 2004 02:15 pm

Anika...
I am so very proud of you!..The first few days are the hardest and over time it does get a little easier. Having Isaiah picture up is a wonderful way for you to share him with everyone. He might not have been here a long time but he will always have a lifetime of memories to each and everyone.
Sending you HUGE HUGS

Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
Mommy to
Drew(13)PE 37 wks
Ky (11)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey Looking at Aug
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=/Archives/MountHope&Sort=V
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Joined: Thu May 08, 2003 10:26 am


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