Crying at night before bed

[imemc3]

Keeping you in my thoughts. Your angel is always watching over his little brothers and he is always there in your hearts. I picture all our angels dancing on the clouds with no worries. I do cry at times. It is a way of releasing emotions. It is healthy. Sending you (((hugs))).

Elaine

[darateacher]

Thanks. I believe that, too. I just know I can't share that with anyone IRL, just here. You're the only ones who understand.

[mrs.magdaleno]

Dara, I wholeheartedly believe that butterfly was Aaron. I believe our angels are everywhere. In every beauty the world has to offer. (((HUGS)))

[darateacher]

At times, we'll see a monarch butterfly while walking. I can't help but think that this butterfly is Aaron saying "hi" to his brothers. We saw one today just as we were coming back from our early morning walk. It flew right over Adam's stroller seat and into the bushes. At the ISCU picnic, as we were walking towards the entrance, a monarch butterfly flew along with us...I could swear that it was Aaron coming with us, as a whole family, to the picnic. Am I going nuts here? DH doesn't want me talking about the "butterfly theory" in front of him. Weirds him out.

[mrs.magdaleno]

I pray every night and thank god too for blessing my life with Jake. I even talk to Jake. It brings me peace.

I also think about the way I will tell any future children about their big brother in heaven. I've already kind of had experience with this except it's been with my nieces and nephews. They know all about Jake. They have from the very beginning. My parents have a picture of Jake in their home and any new grandkids that come along grow up knowing who that little baby boy in the picture is. It warms my heart. They ask me all kinds of questions about him too. It's really a special feeling to know he's still a part of us, our family.

(((HUGS))) Dara.

I hope you find your way of having your precious angel boy be a part of his brothers' lives.

[suleaf]

Dara ((HUGS))

I think I often still cry for Mira, even as I am holding Samar, and I feel so guilty about it. But the truth is, I miss her, and Samar is his own being. But she will always have a place in my heart- the dreams I had for her died with her and that is a hard thing to accept.

I am not sure what I want to tell Samar about Mira, in that sense I feel differently from so many of you- I feel like I will tell him one day but I feel like she's so hard for me to talk about.It feels so private and insular somehow.

But Dara.... your little boys will know and love him and I am glad to see you and know you're doing ok!

[neslo]

Dara - Aaron will always be a part of your life and your family. My daughter talks about her little sister in heaven all the time. She even includes her in the pictures of her family that she draws. It really is a wonderful feeling. I'm sure your sons will do the same thing as they get a little older.

[kbunsey]

We'll all find the right way talk to our children about their siblings in heaven and they will say those things one day - it will come sooner than we think!

In the meantime we'll just ask to know.

Nights and mornings are still, at times, rough. I've found myself there again the past week or so - avoiding sleep - watching movies late - finally getting to bed - waking and worrying.

Have been wondering about you, Dara, and glad you're well otherwise!

[ruby608]

I do the same, although this is so new to me. I hate mornings and I hate nights. I love sleeping because when I dream, I forget about whats going on. It's just that time when I wake up and have to remember we don't get to go to the NICU anymore to go see our Nolan.

[darateacher]

Exactly, Brianne! I totally want Adam and Noah to say that they have an older brother in Heaven. I'd like for them to say that they wish they could've met Aaron, too.