Current Pregnancy and Grief

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
imemc3
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Re : Current Pregnancy and Grief

Postby imemc3 » Mon Feb 06, 638626 1:05 pm

What a nice day dream. I know this feeling all to well! Now that I have a son after two losses. I dream of what my daughters would be like and dream of them playing with Samuel and holding them. Some days it is hard but now we have an earth angel. He would not be here without his sisters. (((hugs))).

Elaine

joker
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Re : Current Pregnancy and Grief

Postby joker » Wed Jan 04, 638626 7:08 pm

I think it is very normal. I know I felt the same way during my pg with Alison. I also know that for me, having Alison has brought up so much grief over Abby, that I started going back to my support group. I think Wrennie summed it up pretty good. It is so bittersweet.

Hugs to you.

neslo
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Re : Current Pregnancy and Grief

Postby neslo » Mon Dec 12, 638625 6:48 pm

Katie - I know exactly what you mean... At 28wks into this pregnancy and with everything going smoothly I feel terribly guilty for being so sad. I'm always excited and relieved to hear that everything is going according to plan and the baby is growing just like he should be. But hearing that news alwasy makes me wonder why it couldn't have been like that with Ellie too.

I completely agree with what Carin said too - the further I get into this pregnancy the more I realize what we lost. I'm sure that feeling will only grow once this baby is born.

annes
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Re : Current Pregnancy and Grief

Postby annes » Sun Dec 11, 638625 5:18 pm

((HUGS)) We never stop missing the one we lost, I have a similar day-dream a lot.

lisacarmel
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Re : Current Pregnancy and Grief

Postby lisacarmel » Sun Dec 11, 638625 3:02 am

Congratulations on making it 33 weeks. I'm happy to hear all is well. Keep growing baby boy! Thanks for sharing your beautiful dream. I always try to picture what my son would look like today. (((Hugs)))

wrennie
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Re : Current Pregnancy and Grief

Postby wrennie » Wed Nov 30, 638625 9:10 pm

It is hard to navigate a pregnancy after a loss, especially when you are so scared to get sick again. I felt very similar in my pregnancy with Aylah, and the last 9 weeks I was in the hospital, in the very place where I lost my first baby Elodie. I dont exactly know how I got through it, I tried to stay positive, I lived for the good news and ignored that spot inside of me that said "what if" and the spiral that was attached to those thoughts. Time did pass, as it always does, and Aylah came healthy and also delivered me true relief. I think I smiled, I mean really smiled, from my heart for the first time since I had gotten pregnant. You will get there, your being watched, and you know what to look for. Unfortunately, we are the few who have lived the worst possible nightmare, and it robs us of that exciting pregnancy joy...but believe me, when you deliver your healthy boy, your heart will be full of love and happiness, and it will all be well deserved.

As Aylah grows, I often think of Elodie, she looked just like Aylah. I realize even more now the magnitude of Elodie's loss, she and our family missed out on so much together. Its bitter sweet that Aylah would have never been without Elodie. I too, will keep saying Elodie's name, she is our daughter, a big sister, and a presence in our family that will always live on inside of our hearts. I think it helps to keep her alive and speak her name. I will always miss her and long to hold her and keep her safe. No, I dont think that will ever change.

hugs to you and congrats on a continued healthy pregnancy, looking forward to your FANTASTIC news! hugs.......

atvlady
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Re : Current Pregnancy and Grief

Postby atvlady » Sun Nov 20, 638625 1:43 am

Hi Katie. I know your pain, grief, emptiness and how things should have been. I don't have the perfect words for you but what I can tell you is that it is ok to grieve, you will do this the rest of your life. It gets better with time. I myself suffered loss with our daughter Darren. She was born and 20 weeks gestational and fought to live for an hour and 20 minutes. So yes I know how you feel. I have started to put my emotions where I want them and where my husband also needs me to be at. I do grieve, cry and get furious due to our loss. But I also let the inspiration she gave me the time I was pregnant and watching the ultrasounds to the hour and 20 minutes she fought, I let those memories give me strength. I am happy she gave me that happiness but on the other hand I yearn to have a baby, her. I am 36 and my husband is 43. We have no living children, Darren was our first. We had 2 miscarriages late last year before I got pregnant with Darren. Yet each day I plug on in life. I am VERY happy this pregnancy is going well! Congrats! Speak of your little girl to your little boy when you have him and he gets older of big sister. That is what my husband and I are going to speak of Darren to her younger siblings. I guess the reason I say that is cause it makes me feel like she is still alive. And in reality she is. Her inspiration is still alive just like your daughters is still alive. I wish you the best of luck. You are not alone in the way you feel. Please know that. Take care and keep me posted!

kbunsey
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Current Pregnancy and Grief

Postby kbunsey » Fri Nov 18, 638625 1:38 pm

I never know where to post these thoughts/feelings that are associated with my loss and my current pregnancy.

I had an u/s on Thursday. He is 33 weeks, weighs 4lbs14oz and just above the 50% - growing right on target. A healthy boy and my pressure is staying helathy too!

I am always SO relieved after these checks and growth scans.

But, at the appointments I'm never jumping for joy. I'm usually just OK. Just relieved. And then, later in the evening, or the next day usually when I'm alone or in the car it comes to me - the sadness. I recognze this deep sadness and longing for her - a sadness that she didn't get to grow and be a healthy girl. Sad that my pressure was so screwed-up. Sad that I had to see her, in that way, being sick and dying.

The other day I was drifting off on my bed after work, kind of napping, kind of daydreaming. In my dream I saw myself with my 2 children, one holding each of my hands. We were outside, it was a beautiful day. We were having so much fun. It was so wonderful. And I kept looking at each of them, thinking how much I loved them, "This is how it should be."

Then she started fading away and pretty quickly I came back to my bedroom. It was nice - a nice daydream - but like the growth scans - and being pregnant again - happy and sad all mixed up together. I suppose to some extent it will be like that forever won't it.


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