Today was my due date

[rj&abbysmom]

Today was supposed to be my due date and knowing me I probably would have still been pregnant and frustrated wondering when the little princess was going to come. My son was 41 weeks and my daughter was 42 weeks. Today I am feeling so many different emotions sadness, anger, jealousy, resentment, and forgotten. How could it be that my dream was ripped away from me and there was nothing I could do about it? How fair is it that my Intended Moms daughter was taken from them too soon and even though one is a doctor there was nothing she could do about it either? These last few weeks should have been filled with love and laughter and waiting for a beautiful little girl to be born, and yet here we are filled with sadness and despair. I've been sitting here in tears wondering why me?

There are many questions that keep coming to my thoughts over and over again, how can a life be taken away so easily? How is it fair for a life to never get a chance to live? What is the greater good of loosing a life so young? To these questions I have not been able to find answers.

I also have not heard from my Intended Moms in months and have not seen them since they left me in the hospital room with Paz. I often wonder to myself if they think of me although I know that in thinking of me it brings back all the sadness. I asked for one of the many pictures they took of her and 3 months later I still haven't received it. Is it too much to ask? They are not the only ones grieving over the loss of Paz, I know that seeing any pictures of her is hard for them but I can't even remember what she looks like anymore. All I have is her hand and foot prints that I cherish and hold close to my heart. I think that I can begin to heal completely once I receive a picture of her because then I wouldn't feel so guilty for not remembering her face.

[brianned5]

I'm so sorry. I don't think it's too much to ask for a picture of the precious baby girl you carried for them 23 weeks. I have the same questions and no answers. All the time I hear there is a reason for everything. I just can't even come close to the reason for a babies death. I'm sending hugs your way and I hope you can have as peaceful a day as possible.

[mellybute]

I'm so sorry too. I HATE pre-eclampsia/HELLP. I never use the word hate and I know it's a strong word and not nice to hear or say, but I really do. I hate pe. I hate that it takes babies from their mommas and leaves mommas without their babies. I so so sorry. I don't have the right words to be helpful.

I definitely think you should have a picture of Paz. It is far from too much to want one.

[rebecca2]

I'm so sorry. I remember my daughter's due date was especially hard for me. I wish I had some good answers for your questions, but I've been searching for those same answers with no luck.

Is it possible the IM doesn't have the pictures yet? I know there was a delay in getting my daughters pictures and I didn't receive them until after the due date. I know this sounds silly, but maybe they just don't realize how much you are hurting? I know from my own experience, sometimes the pain for me is so intense I simply don't see that those around me are hurting too. Maybe you can drop them a note to let them know you are thinking of Paz on her due date and hope to have a picture of her one day.

BTW, I think being a surrogate is one of the most wonderful things a woman can do. I truly hope you get a picture of Paz soon.

[annes]

I am so sorry you are having such a bad day. Do the intended moms have a copy of the foot/handprints? maybe you could send them one and aske for a picture? Take care of yourself.

[rosemary]

Elizabeth, I am so sorry for your loss, and all the heartache you have had to endure. Asking for a photo is certainly not too much to ask. Would you feel comfortable in writing a note, and asking for a photo? Or is there someone who could make a call and ask for you? I hope that the days ahead are a bit easier for you. Thinking of you and wishing you peace.

[wrennie]

I am so sorry for your loss. Due dates are hard, everything is hard. I hope that you can get a picture. It isnt too much to ask, I hope that you can get one. It helps to have a picture. I hope you are having better days and I wish you peace.