Yesterday I was watching a video- a historical perspective on hunger- for work. It was during a meeting in which we were supposed to begin the planning process for a new outreach program. Anyway, there were three of us in the room- one of my staff and the gentleman from the state who was showing the video. There is a scene in the video that shows a baby dying from malnutrition and I mean literally dying. They are resuscitating the baby and then they stop and the baby dies. I froze. I couldn't breathe, couldn't move, just froze. It was like ripping the bandaid off of a wound- I couldn't do anything but remember my precious Gabriel and think about about that horrible moment of his death.
I think my staff person knew what was going on in my head, but the guy from the state was oblivious. And I didn't say a thing. At the time I kept thinking "He doesn't know, it's not his fault." Now I'm so mad at myself for not chewing him out about how inappropriate that was. I don't understand why they have to include such images for shock value- particularly when most people viewing the documentary are already familiar with the issue. I'm hurt, extremely angry, and still at a loss as to how I could have handled that differently.