I need to vent

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
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l412angel
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Re : I need to vent

Postby l412angel » Sat Mar 27, 2010 08:08 pm

Aww thank you guys so much!

klutsyone01
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Re : I need to vent

Postby klutsyone01 » Sat Mar 27, 2010 01:42 pm

first off, my son and i are two of the lucky ones. we survived. however im in the position your friend is in. my sister in law lost her sweet daughter at 36 weeks. no known cause. it has been almost a year and she is still mourning the lost of her angel. that is normal! at barely three months out if you were getting over it as they put it, ide think you needed to be hospitolized. she is showing remarakle calausness to you. my sister in law finaly had to cut people out of her life who didnt give her daughter Rayanne the respect, she deserves. that means sympathizing with you and grieving with you. it doesnt mean after a few monthes, going " we are tired of hearing about it, get over it" you are enduring the worst pain a mother could ever go through. you are doing an amazing job. i honestly think that most people feel that because my sil, and you lost your angels so soon that they werent really here and they dont matter. it truly pisses me off. you are a mommy and you are brokenhearted. if people in your life dont understand, then they dont need to be in your life. period. the fact that you went to her baby shower is oustanding! she should have known that it was so hard on you. my husband and i live out of state and when we took our son home to meet the family, i let my sil know that whenever she was up to seeing the baby it was ok. no pressure. if she had choosen not to, it would have been ok with me. when she held him she started to cry. i cried with her. give yourself time, and surround yourself with people who build you up. hugs mama.

rosefern00
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Re : I need to vent

Postby rosefern00 » Sat Mar 20, 2010 10:25 pm

I just want to say you have every right to be upset. You can't just put something like this "in the back of your mind". I'm sure your friend meant it in no harm in it. BUT, the replaying what she said remains in your head and can drive you mad. What somewhat helped me was a book called "A Silent Sorrow" I was given from my hospital after the stillbirth of my so. It helps me understand the stages of grief and how normal they are. It may be somewhat helpful. Especially when you get: Its ok, you can always have another one..." type of responses.

amaara
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Re : I need to vent

Postby amaara » Sat Mar 13, 2010 10:30 pm

Laura, I am sorry about the loss of your daughter. I rarely talk about what happened to me because people have shocked me with their remarks. My own mother told me I was doing more harm than good by coming to these message boards three weeks after we lost Wyatt. I have never forgiven her for that, and probably never will. Even medical personnel have said things like, "It was meant to be," which I find gobsmackingly insulting.

I do remember that it was worse at six months than it was even in the beginning. In the beginning, I was kind of in shock. At six months, I was fully raw, but everyone else (aside from my husband) had moved on.

I wish I had words of wisdom, but I do not. I am sorry for your loss.

~~Amaara

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l412angel
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Re : I need to vent

Postby l412angel » Fri Mar 12, 2010 05:43 pm

So sorry you had to experience the loss of a child as well :( Its something I wish apon no one and no one should judge us. Everyone handles things differently!

webster007
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Re : I need to vent

Postby webster007 » Fri Mar 12, 2010 05:41 am

Hi there
I totally understand how you feel. I have been through a similar situation. I lost my baby 6 weeks ago to severe PE at 25 weeks. It is such an awful thing to go through. Its hard to be happy with the world after such an event. People just dont seem to understand the grief that you go through. Its the worst feeling. I feel completly empty at the moment and the only things I seem to think about is the baby I lost and the goal to have a successful pregnancy next time. I completely understand the grief that you have felt.

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l412angel
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Re : I need to vent

Postby l412angel » Sun Mar 07, 2010 07:53 pm

Thank you it means alot. I cant expect anyone to know what im going through. I just need people to be there for me not opinions. I did not make that video. Every life has a story made it for me :) They are on my blog, but thank you :)

mellybute
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Re : I need to vent

Postby mellybute » Sun Mar 07, 2010 07:41 pm

Laura, I cannot find the words to really say right now, but I just wanted to tell you that I think you're doing great and handling things more than anyone could ask of you. I have not walked in your shoes and would never even begin to understand your pain. But what I do know is that people in this world can be very insensitive.

Sometimes (often times) I ask myself "am I just too sensitive for this world?" Maybe I am. I have also learned that sometimes best friend or not, known for so many years or whatever, that friendships change. And sometimes we have to let them go.

Sometimes I look around and evaluate certain relationships and ask the question, is this healthy for me? is this person's negativity something I should be around? and if the answer is no, I let it go...and no, it's not easy, but I usually breath a sigh of relief that I took a stand for myself.

The facebook comment is total BS and to me is ridiculous. Really? Seriously? are you kidding me?

I also want to add that you're doing an AMAZING job on your blog and I know I told you on your FB, but I LOVED the video you made of Cara. Yes, it's sad, of course it's sad. But it is amazingly beautiful and a wonderful tribute to your little girl.

I am rambling but I think you're doing the BEST you can and that's all you should be doing now and years from now...

brianned5
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Re : I need to vent

Postby brianned5 » Mon Mar 01, 2010 12:22 am

I think someone stating your posts on facebook are depressing to them is just selfish to the core. They must not realize that isn't even a fraction of what you have to endure on a daily basis. It's been 19 months since I lost my daughter, I'll grieve for her the rest of my life. People who can't accept that have a very limited place in my life. I'm very sorry for what you're going through.

jamilyn
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Re : I need to vent

Postby jamilyn » Mon Mar 01, 2010 12:18 am

I lost my son just a few days before you and I will say that it is way too soon still. I have had a few people say things like I need to just get past it and move on. My 1st son passed away 8 years ago and there are still days that I feel like day 1 in my grieving process for him but then the next I'll do much better. The hurt never goes away we just learn how to handle it and 3 months is def still very early in the grieving process. I couldn't bring myself to go to my girlfriends baby shower a couple weekends ago, she was a couple months behind me in gestation and we announced we were pregnant on the same day. My due date was just last week so being around pregnant women is just too hard. No person can tell you how to grieve or what is the right way to do it there really isnt a right way (everyone is different and handles grief totally different) and DEF not a wrong way. Support groups like this are def helpful, it helps to hear other moms stories and know you arent alone.
I'm so sorry you are having to go thru all of this, I wish this was soemthing none of us had to experience.
{HUGS}


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