by angieb (1193 Posts), Fri Feb 26, 2010 07:00 pm
Honestly, even those of us who have lost babies aren't YOU, I wouldn't dream of telling anyone how they should feel, even if our paths have been similar, everyone is different, grieves differently, etc.
I think that you have every right to be disappointed and even angry with your friend for presuming to tell you how you should be feeling/doing/what is or isn't helping you.
I've had friends that have really stepped up and been there for me, and friends who have really really let me down and I've come to question how much of a friend they really are, even someone I've been friends with since 7th grade.
Honestly, I'm coping right now by withdrawing into myself. My mom keeps asking me why I don't call as much anymore. It's because I just don't want to deal with people. I'm still absolutely devastated and reeling and I don't want to pretend like I'm okay after pretending to be okay everyday at work for 9 hours. (And believe me, if I had the option of quitting my job, I would, but DH lost his the day after I went back to work so I've had to tough it out.) I mean, sometimes I'm okay, and sometimes I'm not, but I hate feeling like I need to pretend to be okay. It's easier for me just to not talk to people as much. And when I do talk to my friends, they tend to gravitate towards asking me how TTC is going and stuff like that because it's relatively safe and I think for them it's a sign I'm okay and I've moved on. I know that even getting pregnant again isn't going to make this okay or take away the loss or to make me totally move on. I'm a different person, now and I will probably end up shedding some friends who turned out to be not really friends anyway.
I think you should just ignore her and do what makes you feel better, regardless of what she thinks.
For me, it has helped a little spending a little less time online and more time reading trashy romance novels instead. It got to the point where I was so obsessed and depressed about ttc that I was making myself and DH way more miserable than was necessary. Less time online and a concentrated effort on not stressing so much about it has helped me, but that doesn't mean it's something that will work for you or something that is even necessary for you.