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I need to vent

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

Re : I need to vent

Postby amaara » Sat Mar 13, 2010 10:30 pm

by amaara (156 Posts), Sat Mar 13, 2010 10:30 pm

Laura, I am sorry about the loss of your daughter. I rarely talk about what happened to me because people have shocked me with their remarks. My own mother told me I was doing more harm than good by coming to these message boards three weeks after we lost Wyatt. I have never forgiven her for that, and probably never will. Even medical personnel have said things like, "It was meant to be," which I find gobsmackingly insulting.

I do remember that it was worse at six months than it was even in the beginning. In the beginning, I was kind of in shock. At six months, I was fully raw, but everyone else (aside from my husband) had moved on.

I wish I had words of wisdom, but I do not. I am sorry for your loss.

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Re : I need to vent

Postby rosefern00 » Sat Mar 20, 2010 10:25 pm

by rosefern00 (9 Posts), Sat Mar 20, 2010 10:25 pm

I just want to say you have every right to be upset. You can't just put something like this "in the back of your mind". I'm sure your friend meant it in no harm in it. BUT, the replaying what she said remains in your head and can drive you mad. What somewhat helped me was a book called "A Silent Sorrow" I was given from my hospital after the stillbirth of my so. It helps me understand the stages of grief and how normal they are. It may be somewhat helpful. Especially when you get: Its ok, you can always have another one..." type of responses.
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Re : I need to vent

Postby klutsyone01 » Sat Mar 27, 2010 01:42 pm

by klutsyone01 (105 Posts), Sat Mar 27, 2010 01:42 pm

first off, my son and i are two of the lucky ones. we survived. however im in the position your friend is in. my sister in law lost her sweet daughter at 36 weeks. no known cause. it has been almost a year and she is still mourning the lost of her angel. that is normal! at barely three months out if you were getting over it as they put it, ide think you needed to be hospitolized. she is showing remarakle calausness to you. my sister in law finaly had to cut people out of her life who didnt give her daughter Rayanne the respect, she deserves. that means sympathizing with you and grieving with you. it doesnt mean after a few monthes, going " we are tired of hearing about it, get over it" you are enduring the worst pain a mother could ever go through. you are doing an amazing job. i honestly think that most people feel that because my sil, and you lost your angels so soon that they werent really here and they dont matter. it truly pisses me off. you are a mommy and you are brokenhearted. if people in your life dont understand, then they dont need to be in your life. period. the fact that you went to her baby shower is oustanding! she should have known that it was so hard on you. my husband and i live out of state and when we took our son home to meet the family, i let my sil know that whenever she was up to seeing the baby it was ok. no pressure. if she had choosen not to, it would have been ok with me. when she held him she started to cry. i cried with her. give yourself time, and surround yourself with people who build you up. hugs mama.
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Re : I need to vent

Postby l412angel » Sat Mar 27, 2010 08:08 pm

by l412angel (1746 Posts), Sat Mar 27, 2010 08:08 pm

Aww thank you guys so much!
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