by wrennie (1019 Posts), Sat Feb 27, 2010 11:25 pm
Laura, i too am so sorry you have to deal with family and friends who do not understand and who are only making this harder on you. I have found that you are right, no one really does understand unless they have been there themselves. I definitely have experienced a mix of people, friends and family that help me remember, but then there are those who just cant seem to be there for me. I definitely feel my true friends really stood out after my loss.
Well, what I learned in therapy, is that you can not fix anyone else. But you can learn how to deal with situations. I think its important to try to educate people on how you feel, where your at, in hopes that they can become supportive. My mom visited me 5 days after my loss, for what was supposed to be my baby shower, and the first thing she told me was to stop crying. Seriously? We fought, or I fought, with her for months. My therapist helped me see her side, she was my mom, and she wanted to fix my heart but didnt know how. I finally wrote her a letter. Putting my emotions out there on paper for her to read really changed everything...to tell her I would be okay, but it wasnt going to be today, or tomorrow, infact I wasnt sure when, but I was working at it and was determined to be at peace with my loss, that she needed to give me that time and space, as hard as it was for her to see me hurt, I needed to be there and she needed to respect that.
It takes time, and people dont get that. People dont get that the heart of the pain actually never leaves. It heals, and becomes less sore, but it defines life.
I personally think, from the little I know you :), that you are so brave and so in touch with your emotions. Your blog is amazing. And, I think you are being true to yourself. Continue to do what feels right, you cant go wrong with that. You need to do that to be at peace and hopefully you can get your family/friends to understand that!