I need to vent

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
brandi101
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Re : I need to vent

Postby brandi101 » Fri Feb 26, 2010 07:42 pm

i understand what u mean its been 6 months since i lost my daughter and my own sister tells me to move on i told her that until she has went through what ive been through not to judge me and im also preggo and that has made it worse for me i am so scared

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l412angel
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Re : I need to vent

Postby l412angel » Fri Feb 26, 2010 07:06 pm

Thank you!! I have not been online as much because it totally was consuming my life before. Although the death of my daughter will always and forever consume me. Even when I have other children, and I just dont think my friend gets that. Do you have any advice on what I should say to her, or what I should say if she says something along those lines again.

I feel like if you have gone through it before it would be ok to say something along those lines, but untill you have...you shouldnt say anything at all.

I HATE taht people are behind my back saying I seem so depressing and they are worried about me and I should be moving on!

angieb
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Re : I need to vent

Postby angieb » Fri Feb 26, 2010 07:00 pm

Honestly, even those of us who have lost babies aren't YOU, I wouldn't dream of telling anyone how they should feel, even if our paths have been similar, everyone is different, grieves differently, etc.

I think that you have every right to be disappointed and even angry with your friend for presuming to tell you how you should be feeling/doing/what is or isn't helping you.

I've had friends that have really stepped up and been there for me, and friends who have really really let me down and I've come to question how much of a friend they really are, even someone I've been friends with since 7th grade.

Honestly, I'm coping right now by withdrawing into myself. My mom keeps asking me why I don't call as much anymore. It's because I just don't want to deal with people. I'm still absolutely devastated and reeling and I don't want to pretend like I'm okay after pretending to be okay everyday at work for 9 hours. (And believe me, if I had the option of quitting my job, I would, but DH lost his the day after I went back to work so I've had to tough it out.) I mean, sometimes I'm okay, and sometimes I'm not, but I hate feeling like I need to pretend to be okay. It's easier for me just to not talk to people as much. And when I do talk to my friends, they tend to gravitate towards asking me how TTC is going and stuff like that because it's relatively safe and I think for them it's a sign I'm okay and I've moved on. I know that even getting pregnant again isn't going to make this okay or take away the loss or to make me totally move on. I'm a different person, now and I will probably end up shedding some friends who turned out to be not really friends anyway.

I think you should just ignore her and do what makes you feel better, regardless of what she thinks.

For me, it has helped a little spending a little less time online and more time reading trashy romance novels instead. It got to the point where I was so obsessed and depressed about ttc that I was making myself and DH way more miserable than was necessary. Less time online and a concentrated effort on not stressing so much about it has helped me, but that doesn't mean it's something that will work for you or something that is even necessary for you.

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l412angel
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I need to vent

Postby l412angel » Fri Feb 26, 2010 05:49 pm

So my best friend is 8.5 months pregnant. When I lost Cara 3 months ago she came to the hospital to see me and came over afterwards and even bought Cara a christmas ordament with her name a birthday engaved.

She had her baby shower last sunday I attended, was sad and couldnt wait to leave...but I made it. (yah it was suuper hard)

Well anyway she told me this week that she does not think I am doing any better and that doctors appointments and loosing Cara has consumed my life. I had a video made for Cara and she said she cannot watch it because its too hard for her (which I understand since she is almost ready to give birth) She said the things I post on facebook make everyone too sad and people dont comment because they do not want to encourage me to feel sa dand be sad. She said "I think you should start to move on by now or you never will. Try not to think about it as much and put it in the back of your mind" She also told me that she thinks this website and my share groups are not helping me.

At first I thought she was right...now im just dowqnright pissed. Like FUMING. I JUST LOST MY DAUGHTER....I GAVE BIRTH TO A BABY THAT WAS NOT ALIVE...24 HOURS OF LABOR...ARE YOU SERIOUS!

I just dont know what to do I feel so lost...no one knows my pain...not even my own mother (who claims she does even though she has never lost a child) OK SERIOUSLY PEOPLE NO ONE KNOWS MY PAIN UNLESS YOU HAVE LOST A CHILD!


Ok anyways (sorry) I dont know what to do about this or what to say to her. I think its her that wants to forget what happened to me because it makes her sad and she is scared about the upcoming birth of her son...Help!


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