by naomihope427 (247 Posts), Thu Mar 25, 2010 00:44 am
Yes, earlier today, I was sitting outside in my backyard with my dog playing ball, I was crying the whole time, somehow my dog knows or can sense my pain, I just tried to feel the wind, the breeze, the birds, I couldn't. I stared off into the sky, just thinking this can't be MY LIFE this can't be. I remember all too well almost a year ago and some when I was pregnant too how eventually excited I got that I decided to have Naomi. I just kept thinking I cannot believe she is gone, I can't believe it. I called her name a few times and also hoping a sign would come up that she's around, but nothing. Then I just had to walk inside go back to m bed & cry. I want Naomi, my thoughts are distorted. I don't want this baby, at least not right now. Im very depressed & I just don't know what to do. I am almost 10 weeks, still have a long way to go. I just can't believe I let this happen, with that jerk! My ex husband. Its not good. My blood pressure I haven't checked but my mom here has one, she's a nurse, I could check. I haven't been back to doctor yet, was supposed to on the 22nd for my checkup, long story with that. I can barely eat, one im depressed, and 2 I just feel so sick al the time . I know I need to take care of myself for this baby. Im thinking more so on placing my baby for adoption. Im not 100% sure yet, my mom told me not to make a decision until I am better in my depression. It hurts all over, im not with the father he's a complete jerk, id be all alone, and I have absolutely nothing. Yet its just like another "loss" in a way. Its a huge yet courageous thing to do I've been told, I have 1000 emotions running everywhere. Sorry for the long rant here.