Did I cause the death of my beautiful Naomi????

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Did I cause the death of my beautiful Naomi????

Postby jamilyn » Tue Apr 27, 2010 00:07 am

Hi Hunny - you did nothing wrong and if you wouldnt have let them hold her then you wouldve looked back and regretted not letting those people have that special moment with her. These thoughts though are normal but try not to focus on them. When you lose a loved one especially your baby then you have those thoughts of what went wrong and if it couldve been stopped and had a different outcome a better outcome. Nothing will change it but nothing can stop these thoughts you have either. Happy Birthday to your Beautiful Sweetpea Naomi Hope. We will be including her in our little Birthday party for Stratton tomorrow.
xoxoxoxo
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Re : Did I cause the death of my beautiful Naomi????

Postby alisonlbewley » Tue Apr 27, 2010 00:14 am

Did you allow your friend and mother to hold your little baby so that they could share in the joy of the life of your baby? You wanted to let them experience such a special little person and that is perfectly know and acceptable. You did nothing wrong in that regard.

Sometimes God has plans for us and our kids that we don't understand, expect of agree with. In these cases its sometimes better to realize that we cant understand God or what He thinks. Things that happen though form us into what we are and I'm sure your little one up in heaven is so proud to have a mom as brave, caring and generous as you. I'm sure the ones whos shared in your daughters life are grateful and blessed for it as well.

Your little one is in a great place awaiting you and you will be reunited one day. For now it's important not to blame yourself or place guilt on your or anyone close to you. It's important to be strong and brave right now for yourself. You need to keep healthy and treat yourself well.

I promise that though you miss her and have suffered a great loss that she will always be with you in some way and you had a great opportunity to meet someone as special as her.

Please take care of yourself.
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Re : Did I cause the death of my beautiful Naomi????

Postby blythe » Tue Apr 27, 2010 01:10 am

I'm so sorry, in transferring this thread I wasn't able to move the original post - hopefully an admin can fix it in the morning. In the meantime, the original post is here
http://www.preeclampsia.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=39009
Thanks.
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Re : Did I cause the death of my beautiful Naomi????

Postby mnmom » Tue Apr 27, 2010 07:38 am

Jill, thinking of you and your precious girl today. I hope you can "feel" all of our support surrounding you today. And, you did nothing wrong. You gave your precious girl a chance to know grandma and auntie and them a chance to know her. Very special.
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Re : Did I cause the death of my beautiful Naomi????

Postby milesymommy » Tue Apr 27, 2010 09:29 am

Jill,
It seems to me that maybe you were a little reluctant to let them hold her and now you regret letting them. These are all perfectly normal emotions, expected emotions, and please do not blame yourself. It is not your fault. I imagine you have replayed those 35 days and your pregnancy over and over, thinking if this, then that, or what if this... As bad as it hurts, you can't change what happened. You can't bring her back. Tormenting yourself won't help. Cherish the moments you do have. Naomi is in heaven, and she wants you to be happy. Grandma and Auntie got to her hold and share in her special life.
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you a big hug and make the pain go away.
Aimee
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Re : Did I cause the death of my beautiful Naomi????

Postby rosemary » Wed Apr 28, 2010 01:30 pm

Jill...I play those moments over and over ... and rethink my decisions too. I think it's just part of coping with our losses. One thing that I always remind myself of...I dit the very best I could in a terrible, terrible situation. I wish everyday that things would have worked out differently, and I know that you do too. You are in my thoughts today...and so is your precious Naomi Hope. Wishing you peace and healing. (((HUGS)))
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Re : Did I cause the death of my beautiful Naomi????

Postby jamilyn » Sat May 01, 2010 01:14 am

Hey not sure if this can be fixed but Jills original message isnt showing and it shows as me being the one who started it and my response message the 1st message. Thanks...

Jill - hope you are doing better today, the pictures of the party are great and im so happy you had your friends/family close to you. xoxoxo
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Re : Did I cause the death of my beautiful Naomi????

Postby naomihope427 » Sun May 02, 2010 00:58 am

Thank you all. Her birthday celebration was truely beautiful. I just had another breakdown tonight. I just started crying out of nowhere feeling like my arms are so empty. I see her little face, I see me walking up to the NICU all the time. I look at my phone and see the date. May 2nd, this time last year I had her with me. Til June 1, and that's when my world changed FOREVER. It still hurts so so bad. And she's just not coming back. No matter how many more tears I cry or scream or plead, she's never coming back to me. And I feel still that I did something wrong. Heck my body failed me. Naomi's mother failed you Naomi, me and I am so so so so sorry. Mommy wants to be with you, I ask God to take me. He isn't listening, just like he didn't listen when we prayed to him the early morning hours of June 1st. Im used to being failed to in life.
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Re : Did I cause the death of my beautiful Naomi????

Postby rosefern00 » Wed May 05, 2010 04:53 pm

I am sorry for the loss of your beautiful precious baby girl. What you are going through is harder than words, thoughts and emotions can ever describe. You are a very strong & dedicated woman & Naomi is especially lucky for that. I wasn't able to get to know & spend any time with my baby like you, I envy that. You are strong!! Naomi is extremely lucky to have a Mommy as wonderful as you. I wish for the best for you & Naomi. You are both angels, sent from above!
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