by mom2miracles (21 Posts), Wed Apr 28, 2010 08:17 pm
May is TERRIBLE. I'm already dreading it and have been all of April. Seems like I handled it better last year. I hate that I hate it because Ethan's birthday is in there too. But there are just so many terrible dates...May 5 (sick, rushed to the ER), May 10 (Ella's birthday), May 31 (Ella's angelversary).
Then you have the fact that my husband left when my son was 2 weeks old in May 2008. Then I found out in May of last year that his girlfriend was pregnant. And now there's a chance the divorce will be final this May.
I'm finally dating someone awesome and Ethan is doing great. I have a ton to be thankful for but just not handling anything well. Don't know how to date and have a child and deal with all the boundary issues. I keep reliving the night Ella died and wondering how her dad could be so disrespectful of her and our family. I remember every second...how she looked...the smells...it makes me nauseous. I can't believe it was three years ago...that I should have a three yr old running around. I want to put her pink Gap sweatshirt on her and run my fingers through her curly hair. I want the only person who knows the same pain and who knew her like I did to be friendly and just a little considerate of my feelings. I want to be able to share her without people feeling awkward and not knowing what to say. Mostly I want May to be over...