So, I haven't been able to figure out why I'm so moody lately and then it REALLY hits me yesterday that Gabriel's angelversary is on Wednesday. I knew it was this week and I knew I would be upset about it, but somehow I didn't make the association between that and my moodiness.
Now I've officially passed from moody to downright depressed. Keith is working out of town for the next 8 months and we will not be together for it, although we are planning to do something this weekend. Still, I'm here feeling sad and at the same time wanting to scream at everyone who has forgotten. It's only been two years- why don't people remember? Is it because we had another baby?
I feel bad for my MIL, since she will likely feel the brunt of this. I don't know why she feels like she can come home from spending 5 months in Florida and be given automatic baby-sitting priviledges. And especially be trying to force the issue the one week I am most likely to be unwilling to talk about it.
I know I'm overreacting (although there's more to that story that would indicate I'm not), but I don't see why I have to bend over backwards to accommodate people when right now I just want them to leave me alone!!! And why do I feel this incessant need to suck other people into my sadness? You can bet I'll be making a stink about it on Facebook this week, but why do I need to do that?!
There's much I don't understand about my grief, but I do know that this week I just want to succomb to it. Is that normal?