Angry All the Time!

[kbunsey]

I am angry all the time. Stupid little things set me off and then after a day of ranting and raging and trying to stop myself from ranting and raging - I end up crying and feeling awful and realizing that I am so deeply sad. Sometimes when I'm driving home from work I have this image of myself falling into my husband's arms and saying, "The baby died" and he holds me and we cry together. But then when I get home I just start *****ing and complaining. I feel awful. I think the second year of grief is harder. The first year at least I was fuzzy and confused, then I was terrified and just trying to get through my pregnancy w/out getting PE or totally melting down or falling off the deep end of depression and now I'm just MAD. Ick. I hate it!

And Kyle is so amazingly beautiful and amazing and I love him to pieces and am so grateful for him but at the same time I just feel like I can't stop being angry all the time. And it that is making me more mad b/c I just want to feel better.

[jamie w]

Katie,
I am so sorry you are feeling so terrible! I cannot imagine how it must feel and how you learn to pick up and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I hope that you are able to find some way to work through you anger and find joy again. (((HUGS)))

[lucy]

I can so relate with being angry and mad, I still find myself that way alot of the time. Hang in there, many hugs.

[shierman]

This second year has been particularly difficult for me, too. I've been more edgy, needy and clingy than I ever thought I could be. The little things tend to set me off and I hang onto that anger for days. I was mad at my MIL the other day because she planted flowers in my front yard, which may have been OK, but they were pink. Poor MIL- she does tend to get the brunt of my ire! Anyway, I'm not sure if it's a response to grief or to too many life changes. All I know is I keep alternating between anger, sadness, and my delight at watching Tommy grow. How very frustrating this whole thing has been- as if losing my son wasn't bad enough...

[kbunsey]

Well...I'm back to sad now. June feels like the longest, most awful month - kinda like I relieve my Preeclampsia experience all over again each June, which according to my therapist is classic PTSD. Great. (insert sarcasm) At least I'm not abnormal in my traumatic and sorrowful experience that has changed the lense through which I view the world - I suppose that's one good thing. Blaahhhhhh.... i hate to rush my summer vacation, but c'mon June - let's get on with it!

Thank you for the thoughts and replies!