Baby passed away one week ago

[krumlovgirl]

I am so angry...I just don't know who to be angry at. At 35 weeks pregnant I had a lot of swelling. It hurt to walk and my face, neck, and hands puffed up. I also had a terrible headache. I went to my primary care physician who found protein in my urine. Sensing preeclampsia, they immediately sent me to my midwife. They tested me, found no protein, said the swelling was normal, and sent me home. 5 days later I had my regular appointment. By then I had borrowed a wheelchair because I could barely walk. My legs were swollen that much. Plus, I had a lot of pain in my abdomen. Again, the midwife said I was fine. Less than 48 hours later I was hemmhoraging. I was rushed to the hospital by ambulance where I delivered at 36 weeks. The hospital diagnosed me with preeclampsia and placental abruption.

My baby was born perfectly healthy although at 4 weeks was diagnosed with silent acid reflux. One week ago, at 6 weeks, he died of SIDS. We burried him last Wednesday.

I don't know if it's anyone's fault, but I am still angry. Why didn't my midwife take my concerns seriously? Why did the hospital release us after 2 nights even though he was 4 weeks early? Why didn't he get sent home with a sleep apnea monitor? And, of course, why did my baby have to die? These are all questions I have.

[jamilyn]

I am so sorry for your loss and it breaks my heart that you have had to find these Forums.
These questions are all normal to have and you will have more along the way as well. I am 8 years out from losing my 1st son and 9 months from my 2nd and I still have questions everyday for each of my little ones.
I hope you are able to connect to the women here on the forums who can help you with the grieving process.
So sorry again for your loss of your precious little angel.
{HUGS}

[kerisue]

Oh Rebecca, I'm so so sorry. My baby was born and died earlier this Summer and losing your baby is the worst, worst possible thing. My feet and legs were swelling too and my doctor was as dismissive of it as your midwife was. My mind plays a lot of what if's just like you. I bet you're wondering whether the pre-e contributed to baby's death or not. The difficult thing is that we may never have answers to some of these questions. Although I hate the reason we are here, you'll find a great group of women (and some men too) on this website, and many who have lost babies to this terrible disease. It's very supportive and informative.

[rosemary]

Rebecca, I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your precious son. I can understand your need to know the "whys". Do what you need to do to find what ever answers you can. You have a right to know...to somehow find an understanding. Please know that you found a place where you can share and find support. My thoughts are with you.

[wrennie]

Hi Rebecca, i am so sorry for the loss of your baby. Losing a child is the hardest thing to go through. My heart goes out to you. Its hard to understand why the medical community is not more proactive with PE. We may never know the answers as to why things happen, but i hope you can find peace with or without them. This site is great, and helped me in my darkest moments, its a great place to come to let it all out and be amongst others who can share in your pain.

[l412angel]

Hi Rebecca. I am sooo terribly sorry. I simply am heartbroken for you. Hugs to you and your family and your sweet baby!

[leeann34]

I wish I had words to take your pain away, but I know there are none. I am so very sorry for your loss. I too lost my baby last year so I know the devastation and heartache you feel. Please know I am praying for you and your family.

[krumlovgirl]

Thank you all for all of your replies. Today was the 2 week anniversary of his death and earlier tonight we received a phone call that my husband's mother passed away. I don't know how much more we can take.

[kerisue]

That's just not fair Rebecca, too much pain to bear. I very much hope you and your husband are strong people, have a strong relationship, and have a lot of support.

[holly3372@msn.com]

I am so so sory for your loss.The 17th will be 1 month since I lost my son.My midwife told me to relax lay on m side with lavender oil!!My doctor sent me home after 6 days in the hospital on oxygen,protein in urine steroid shots said I had PIH not PE!!!i had emergency c-section that same night at another hospital! Ican relate so much to how you are feeling,and how so many others here are feeling.I am new to this site and am shocked at how many of us have suffered the loss of a baby.I am greatful to this site,I don't feel so alone in this,I hope it does the same for you