1st day back at work after loss

[kerisue]

Today was my first day back at work after losing Millie. I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't know quite how hard. The worst part wasn't even seeing my glowing pregnant coworkers. The worst part was filling out the paperwork to have her removed as my dependent. I could not keep from crying. I know I had to fill it out so my employer doesn't have to keep paying for her insurance, but signing a form saying she's no longer my dependent felt like I was saying she's no longer my daughter. It was very, very painful.
It also felt like the "official" mourning is over and people are going to expect me to be functional and fine when I don't feel even close to fine.

[m]

Oh, that sounds so hard. I can't exactly relate, because I quit my job after losing my baby boy. I had been planning to stop working anyway to stay home with the baby and I just couldn't bring myself to go back. I hope your coworkers will be very understanding. I'm sure it will get easier each day you are back.

[jean]

Going back to work is really difficult. I've been back to work for 6 months now and it's still hard. I also feel like people think that I should be over it. (And even though it's been a little while, I am not..)

[rosemary]

Keri...going back to work is so hard. You made it through one tough day. I hope to that each day gets a bit easier for you. Be gentle with yourself. Thinking of you.

[riehlism]

I'm sorry you had such a tough day. I arrange to work at a satellite clinic so I would be away from some people. But soon I have to go back to my home base and I'm not excited about that at all. Getting back to the grind is really hard. I hope it gets better for you.

I want to keep the memory of our baby with me. So I decided I'm going to buy this and wear it all the time. Somehow I feel it will help me get through the day to day while keeping his memory around.

http://www.gemday.com/item0930.htm

[kerisue]

Oh that's lovely Jasmin! I know you recently returned to work too and I was thinking about you today, hoping it was manageable for both of us.
This is what I got to keep Millie with me every day:
[url]http://www.lisaleonardonline.com/bracelets/double-heart-cuff.html[/url]
it has her name and dates of birth/death on it, along with a few meaningful words (she used a smaller font for some of it)

[wrennie]

going back to work is really hard, i remember that day like it was yesterday. Take it one day at a time. In general, I found people were very gentle with me and allowed me the space that I needed to get back on my feet again. I was stunned to find that work became something that I could sink myself into for 8 hours a day and escape myself. I needed that and it helped me. But at first, it was really hard to manage the extra feelings of guilt that came with not thinking about Elodie fore every second of every day. Just take it slow, and listen to yourself, and I hope your days become easier.

[leeann34]

I hope that as each day passes that it will become more bearable for you. Going back to work is such a challenge after loosing a child. It takes tremendous strength and courage.

[sam10]

Everything the first time after your baby dies is hard. Your first day back at work is one of those firsts. It feels like one step further away from your baby. When I went back to work, I was surprised to find that I grieved the grieving process, as if I had lost that too.