I hate September

[sckitzo]

Tomorrow Sept 21st our son Chance would be turning 4 years old. I miss him so much, everyday. He would be in Preschool now, causing trouble. I also feel like we should have another child too, maybe one about 2 or 3 years old. But PE has scared my husband so bad that we are not even close to trying for more children. Although I would love to at least try for more. My daughter will be 6 this winter and will have no siblings. This is not the family I had pictured in my head. I guess I am not only morning for the Child we lost, but for the childern I fear will never be because of our fear of PE.

To make things worse in June the birth control failed and we were pregnant. Aug 18th baby measured 7weeks 2 days, and had a wonderful strong heartbeat. I spotted on Mon Sept 13th and Sept 14th we could not find a heartbeat, and baby only measured 7 weeks 6 days. Sept 17th we had to get the baby out, because of the risk of infection.

This is a month I am so blessed, because I got to meet our son and watch him grow. But we have had so much taken in Sept to, even through our son was born, it was also a death sentence for him being born so early, and now this miscarriage having yet another baby taken from us. Now my husband is even more scared, and I have no idea what life will throw our way next.

Just venting sorry. Time can dampen the pain, and make it bearable, but it is never gone. Just mad at the world right now, for taking my babies.

[kerisue]

Amber, I'm so sorry that you don't have little Chance with you to love and watch grow every day, and sorry and the baby you miscarried. That much pain is so unfair. I hate September too- my daughter was due this Friday Sept. 24, but was instead born in June. Like you, I mourn not just the loss of my baby (which is more than anyone should have to mourn anyway) but also my dream of being a mother. No matter if you have other kids or don't, you mourn that baby's life, knowing who they would turn out to be, their individual personality. You have every right to be mad at the world, I am too.

[annes]

(((HUGS)))

[wrennie]

as you have every right to be.....uggg, so, so sorry! sending you big hugs and hope for peace. its not fair.

[rosemary]

Amber...you're in my thougths ... wishing you peace.