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What not to say

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What not to say

Postby uncskristy » Mon Sep 27, 2010 12:20 am

by uncskristy (171 Posts), Mon Sep 27, 2010 12:20 am

Last Friday I met with a client who saw my pictures of Cooper and commented on how small he was. I explained that he was 16 weeks early, only a pound and five ounces and lived for 22 hours. This person was obviously not from the US because she responded, "Oh I did not know your country still had early babies". I was just floored that she said that at all and then to someone who just told you that she lost her son. How can someone not realize that premature births occur everywhere. I responded with "I had preeclampsia and there is currently no cure for the disease. Even with having the best healthcare that was possible, it still became necessary to deliver my son so at least one life was saved."
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Re : What not to say

Postby rosemary » Mon Sep 27, 2010 09:34 pm

by rosemary (2360 Posts), Mon Sep 27, 2010 09:34 pm

Kristy, I am sorry for the encounter that you had. It is hard to imagine that comment being made. Hopefully with your taking the time to educate her, it might make her think twice before making another misinformed and hurtful comment.

Take care!
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Re : What not to say

Postby jamilyn » Thu Sep 30, 2010 00:41 am

by jamilyn (430 Posts), Thu Sep 30, 2010 00:41 am

I think I wouldve been stopped in my tracks a little bit with someone telling me that. Ive been shocked at what all people have said to me over the years. Sorry you had to go thru that.
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Re : What not to say

Postby l412angel » Mon Oct 04, 2010 10:56 am

by l412angel (1746 Posts), Mon Oct 04, 2010 10:56 am

Sorry you had to experience that. I honestly think that people are just not educated at all about Preeclampsia or Premature babies. We only see the "happy" things in movies and on TV...all you can really do is educate them about what you went through. Hugs!
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Re : What not to say

Postby jules2 » Mon Oct 04, 2010 11:23 am

by jules2 (514 Posts), Mon Oct 04, 2010 11:23 am

People just really don't know Kristy. I try not to let that kind of comment upset me but just inform them that sadly it does still happen and sometimes there is nothing either the mother or any doctors can do to help. I think Laura is right - everyone dwells on the normal and happy. I'm sorry about your Cooper x
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Re : What not to say

Postby riehlism » Mon Oct 04, 2010 06:41 pm

by riehlism (655 Posts), Mon Oct 04, 2010 06:41 pm

Something I learned from going to grief counseling is that people sometimes just aren't equipped to properly handle losses or address losses. It may very well be a cultural thing where we preceive statements like that as brazen and almost heartlessly empty. But that still doesn't change how it makes us feeling. Sorry you had to experience that.
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