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I want a baby, husband still mourning

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I want a baby, husband still mourning

Postby riehlism » Mon Oct 04, 2010 09:07 pm

by riehlism (655 Posts), Mon Oct 04, 2010 09:07 pm

We lost our son 4 months ago. I feel ready to try again. We have been seeing a grief counselor together, at first. Now we see our counselor separately. The loss has affected us differently so she saw it best we go separately. I agree with her. We shared the loss of our son. But my husband was also faced with possibly losing me.

My poor husband went through a lot. He wants us to have more children, but he is also still grieving for the loss of our son, and scared about what will happen to me the next time around.

I am giving him space and time to work with our grief counselor. But inside, I'm ready and waiting.

Have any over you experienced this with your other halves?
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Re : I want a baby, husband still mourning

Postby kerisue » Mon Oct 04, 2010 11:40 pm

by kerisue (623 Posts), Mon Oct 04, 2010 11:40 pm

I won't say you're lucky Jasmin because none of us who've lost a child are lucky. But I've heard that the loss of a child can break up a marriage and yours seems to be weathering what has to be one of the worst possible storms. It's so nice that you're giving hubby some time, despite the fact that you're ready now. I don't have that problem. Millie's dad never met her (he doesn't live in the area) though I did get him to cry when I told him about her death (I don't think he appreciated the gravity of her situation and how strong the possibility was that she might die). On the upside I can try again when I'm ready, on the downside, no one to mourn her with me. For you, I hope that your readiness and Franks is not too far apart.
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Re : I want a baby, husband still mourning

Postby miamibunnie » Tue Oct 05, 2010 02:38 am

by miamibunnie (510 Posts), Tue Oct 05, 2010 02:38 am

Don't worry Jasmin ....I am going through the same...everytime my hubby sees a baby he gets down. But he is ready...and we are alert on what to watch for.
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Re : I want a baby, husband still mourning

Postby annes » Wed Oct 06, 2010 01:12 pm

by annes (2527 Posts), Wed Oct 06, 2010 01:12 pm

We really had the opposite issue, I was not ready and he was, and I really appreciated my husband's patience with me. He waited me out, with no pressure and when I was ready he was too. We also did some looking into adoption, to try and see if that was a good option for us, we decided to give it another go on our own before we went that route. I liked knowing that there was another way to add to our family. It also helped both of us to find a great doctor who gave us the green light and had a solid plan. Good luck.
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Re : I want a baby, husband still mourning

Postby sam10 » Wed Oct 06, 2010 08:21 pm

by sam10 (1437 Posts), Wed Oct 06, 2010 08:21 pm

Like Anne, for me and my husband it is the other way around. He is definitely more ready than me. I am still very scared, but feel that I am moving towards TTC. We have set a time line (I am not getting any younger) and are getting closer to decide what we'll do. I have the feeling that one day, we'll just know what is right for us.

It is such a difficult situation and getting onto the same page is not easy. Allowing each other to grieve in your own way and time line is very important though.
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Re : I want a baby, husband still mourning

Postby jerih » Wed Oct 06, 2010 08:38 pm

by jerih (2 Posts), Wed Oct 06, 2010 08:38 pm

I have thought about another pregnancy, but my husband says no way. We do have 3 other children. He wants to make sure I'm around for them and doesn't want any of us to go through loosing another child/sibling. I have mixed emotions. My dr. told me just to wait to do anything permanant to keep from having children. I'm just taking time to still grieve and get through my baby's death 11 wks ago. We will see what next year brings.

Everyone grieves differently so I think it's wonderful that you are giving him the time he needs. You will both agree and know when the time is right to try again. Best wishes to you.
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Re : I want a baby, husband still mourning

Postby rosalinda » Wed Oct 06, 2010 09:07 pm

by rosalinda (578 Posts), Wed Oct 06, 2010 09:07 pm

After the death of my little girl, I was also ready to try again. My hubby of course would not hear of it. So for a while I said nothing about trying again. Then about a year after he brought it up on his own and we agreed to go for a pre-conception appointment.

Give him a little bit of time and I think he just may change his mind. Plus it helps to reassure him that now you know the symptoms and will head in to see the doctor as soon as something feels funny. This will help him to see that you will be vigilant and your chances of dying are low.

My peri reassured my hubby that my own chances of death were low since I would be checking my BP at home and knew the symptoms, but she could not guarantee the life of the baby, that risk we would be taking.

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