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Suicidal Thoughts after Losing a Child

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Suicidal Thoughts after Losing a Child

Postby alltoowell » Fri Oct 15, 2010 04:26 am

by alltoowell (3 Posts), Fri Oct 15, 2010 04:26 am

My Gabriel died two weeks ago and I know I'm still grieving. Today I got out of bed at 1pm after convincing myself that I would only be more depressed if I stayed in bed. On my way to my mother-in-law's to pick up my husband's mail I wondered what it would be like if I drove between the wheels of the mac truck to my right. I ask myself what's the point of going on.
I would like to make it clear that I have absolutely no intention of hurting myself, that I am aware that these thoughts are just thoughts. I know that it is very early in my healing process.
I would just like to know if anyone else felt or thought like this after losing their child.

-Cassie
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Re : Suicidal Thoughts after Losing a Child

Postby kerisue » Fri Oct 15, 2010 10:31 am

by kerisue (623 Posts), Fri Oct 15, 2010 10:31 am

Cassie, Im so so sorry about Gabriel. Losing a child is the worst possible thing I can think of to have to live though. I had those thoughts too. It wasn't so much that I wanted to die; more that I wanted to be with Millie and the only way to do so now would be to die. Also, at times, the pain was just so intense that dying seemed a good alternative to living with that. Like you I had absolutely no plan, intention, or action, but I do remember thinking once about a brain anyeurism and how it would just be out of my hands then. It's a good time to make sure you're surrounded by people who love you.
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Re : Suicidal Thoughts after Losing a Child

Postby raspbeari » Fri Oct 15, 2010 01:15 pm

by raspbeari (486 Posts), Fri Oct 15, 2010 01:15 pm

I did think about it too. I remember for the first time understanding how someone could want to kill themselves. I never planned it out, buy yeah the pain, I wanted it to end. And if he was gone I wasn't sure I wanted to be around.

Sorry for you losing your son Gabriel. Today is infant loss day, and this evening I'll light a candle thinking of your little Gabriel.
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Re : Suicidal Thoughts after Losing a Child

Postby jules2 » Fri Oct 15, 2010 04:01 pm

by jules2 (514 Posts), Fri Oct 15, 2010 04:01 pm

I'm sure lots of us have had thoughts like that at times Cassie. Losing a baby is just horrendous; you are that right you are so early in the grieving process though. The pain will always be there but it will get easier to cope with in time. I am glad that you have no intention of hurting yourself but don't hesitate to ask for help if things don't improve or get worse - no-one should feel bad if they need help to deal with a baby dying. Best wishes to you xx
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Re : Suicidal Thoughts after Losing a Child

Postby riehlism » Fri Oct 15, 2010 10:05 pm

by riehlism (655 Posts), Fri Oct 15, 2010 10:05 pm

Those thoughts did come across my mind as well. I had absolutely no intention of doing anything to myself. But at certain times, it seemed easier than to live with the pain and the loss. I feel like those thoughts are common after such a loss. I am so sorry about your baby boy.
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Re : Suicidal Thoughts after Losing a Child

Postby sam10 » Fri Oct 15, 2010 10:44 pm

by sam10 (1437 Posts), Fri Oct 15, 2010 10:44 pm

I am so very sorry about your little Gabriel.

I used to wake up in the morning with racing thoughts and I felt so overwhelmed with these intense feelings. My chest felt as though an elephant would stomp around on it and I had difficulty breathing. I could not wait to be able to go back to sleep again so this would stop.
Any relieve from this seemed better than to endure any more of it.

If you feel anything like I did, then I can quite well understand moments where you have thoughts you are describing. I also think that if we are faced with death by loosing a loved one, we start thinking about it differently and life does not seem so indestructible, but a lot more fragile. We start seeing many moments where death could occur, we are more aware of it.

There will be the day where you will feel a bit better and will be able to string together some good moments, and eventually days. Be gentle with yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help if you feel you can't do it on your own.

Will be thinking of you, your family and your little Gabriel.

Sending you hugs!
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Re : Suicidal Thoughts after Losing a Child

Postby evancaleb10 » Sat Oct 16, 2010 03:26 am

by evancaleb10 (18 Posts), Sat Oct 16, 2010 03:26 am

Cassie, I 'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Gabriel and glad to know that you really have no intention of hurting yourself. But if these thoughts progress to a possible plan or linger longer than you thought they would, please go see your doctor or speak to someone about it.

Two weeks is still so very fresh. My sweet angel has been gone now for 7 weeks and just a few days ago out of the blue I cried hysterically and was trying to figure out how I was going to live without him. And then God's peace came over me and strengthen me. There will be bad days like those and as time goes by there will be better days which will eventually outnumber the bad days. Wishing peace and strength.
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Re : Suicidal Thoughts after Losing a Child

Postby eleni » Sat Oct 16, 2010 06:07 am

by eleni (469 Posts), Sat Oct 16, 2010 06:07 am

I think if we opened up to our friends about these thoughts, we'd all quickly realize how common they are. Do stay aware of the intensity of your thoughts and don't hesitate to get professional help with your grief journey. It is very real and so very shared by many in this community. I always say, it's not something you ever get "over" but you do get "through" it. Sending you virtual hugs and support!
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Re : Suicidal Thoughts after Losing a Child

Postby samantha24 » Sat Oct 16, 2010 03:57 pm

by samantha24 (23 Posts), Sat Oct 16, 2010 03:57 pm

Hi Cassie, I'm so sorry to hear about your baby Gabriel.
I can totally relate to your feelings it's now been just over 18 months since I lost my lil boy. But for a long time all I could think was Evann needed me. I had an older son aswell but I believed that he would be fine with his dad... my logic was a parent for each child. But eventually I became less irrational, my thoughts became less despairing. I wouldn't say the pains gone as I don't think it ever will. But it gets more bearable and not as consuming. I still think about and miss Evann everyday but I can also feel hope now. I promise it does get easier. I'm sending you good thoughts and will be thinking of you.... take care!!!!
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Re : Suicidal Thoughts after Losing a Child

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Sat Oct 16, 2010 04:07 pm

by holly3372@msn.com (478 Posts), Sat Oct 16, 2010 04:07 pm

Yes I too can relate and have had"thoughts" as well.It will be 2 months tomorrow that I lost my son Ben.I know how you feel,we all do.It is a process which we must go through.I know it is so very hard and painful.It helps me to reach out to others that are going through this too.I'm so sorry about Gabriel.Hope our boys are together.xo
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