Heather and I are also hanging in there. The next couple weeks are going to be a little hard though, the 15th was Shane's due date. Was a tad POed at my dad last night, we planned a dinner with him and his wife to show them a scrap book Heather made of Shane and the memory box the hospital put together for us with his blanket and outfit they presented him to us in. After dinner when Heather handed it to my step mother, dad got up and walked out to weed his grape vines. I though perhaps he had a hard time with it so I walked outside with him, maybe he wanted to talk, I asked "whats new and exciting" hoping to help spark a conversation to which he happily replied "nothing", he walked over grabbed a basketball and shot a few baskets, my brothers came outside and they all started a basketball game. He never did look at the book or even the memory box.. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I think he should have at least looked at the box.. He and I have had a ruff relationship to say the least, we both have worked hard to try and correct that over the past few years but this makes it so much harder. If I were in his shoes, I would have at least attempted to look at the memory box knowing how important it is to my son. Shane was born at 9:30pm, we knew we only had a short time with him so I called dad, told him to get to the hospital ASAP if he wanted to spend time with him. Earlier in the day I had told him that if he wanted to be there great, understanding how difficult that time was I also said that i would not be offended if he didnt feel comfortable going. He told me that he wanted to be there and to call him when Shane was born.. I did, the call woke him up, he said ok he was on his way, hung up and apparently went back to sleep.. After about 30 min ( he is a 5 min drive fromt he hospital) I called back and my step mom answered, she said she didnt think they were coming because he went back to sleep.. About 10 am the next day I received a call from my father, exctreamly upset that I hadn't called to tell him Shane was born.. After telling him I did and explaining the story he remembered.. I am really ok with the fact that he missed that time with Shane but it really bothers me that he then wouldn't look at anything we brought last night or at least say to me, you know I feel a bit uncomfortable and would rather not see the pictures.. I would totally be ok with that.. I guess its just the fact that he totally blew it off as if nothing was mentioned of it, only to go play basketball with my younger brothers. Again, maybe im being selfish, but if the shoe was on the other foot I know I would have at least tried to look or said something if I couldnt.. Sorry to ramble, I guess it bothers me more then I thought..
Mom and I love and miss you very much.. Shane Andrew, April 25, 2004