Depression kicks.

[atvlady]

I need some input. Since I had Darren it has been a tough road. I know I will never get a answer why and will never be able to understand how I fell through the cracks.
Sometimes I will be watching tv and all of the sudden I bust out crying and just plain out miserable. I know I was not thinking anything or anything sad on tv. I just don't get this. I am bi-polar and my symptoms have been manageable and I could deal with them until I had this to happen. I don't know what to do. I see a counselor and a psyc doc but I think they have threw their hands up cause there is no way of reversing what has been done. I've stopped asking why and have now moved on to the "how can I help someone else" stage. I am seriously thinking about going back on my depression meds. Has anyone else experienced this? Did you have to go back on meds?

[m]

I am closing in on two years after my loss and I still have bad days sometimes and burst out crying for no apparent reason. It happens less frequently these days, but I'm pretty sure it will never stop for good and I don't think it's an indication that anything is wrong with me. I feel like sometimes I just have an emotional need to process and crying is how it's done. It doesn't consume my life like it did at first, but I will never 'finish' grieving for my son and I don't feel like I should. I have never been on any depression meds, but if you feel like it would be helpful for you to go back on them, it might be a good idea to discuss it with your doctor.

[kerisue]

When Millie first died every day and every moment was bad. Now I have good days and bad, good moments and bad. The holidays have been particularly tough so far. I just recently went on a low dose antidepressant and i do think it's helped.

[jules2]

I feel like m - my loss was only a month or two before yours Delissa and I still have days when I cry and feel down. I don't think this is abnormal; of course I will always hurt over losing Alice. I understand your feelings as we all do.

The difference is (compared with a year ago) that I do function now - I can work to full capacity, I can plan for this baby (touch wood) and look to the future. I don't always feel entirely positive about the future, but nor am I overly negative. I have no relevant history of depression though, and have never been on any meds.

I don't feel there is any problem with taking meds if you think it might help; I guess I am trying to ask if you managing to function ok despite feeling down or tearful sometimes ?

xx

[atvlady]

I have good days and bad ones. The big thing I have noticed is my memory loss. This has been coming on for a few months now and has gotten so bad I forgot my middle name the other day :/ I see my dr Thursday. I think it is all this derpression and rage trying to get out of my system. I can function pretty good it's just when these emotions hit, I don't want to do anything. I am going to talk to my doc about a low dose of something.

[cmccaffrey]

Delissa,
I understand where you are coming from. I am constantly trying to wrap my mind around how me and my son fell through the cracks. I pour over the medical reports and just feel so hopeless. This week I was barely able to get myself out of bed for more than an hour at a time. I go through parts of the day where everything is fine, but then I will walk past something like the ironing board and just start bawling and have the hardest time gaining composure. Grief is so weird like that.

I am not currently taking medication, but if in a month or two I am still feeling like I cannot gain composure, I will definitely ask the doctor whether or not she thinks I need to be on them. I think we owe it to ourselves to be able to function after losing our babies...not necessarily move on, but just be able to move.

I am not sure if that makes sense, but do whatever you think will help you.

[atvlady]

Thanks. I am glad you understand how I feel. Mine just jumps on me and I'm not thinking anything. Sometimes things trigger it but then other times it just takes hold. I see my dr Thursday so I will see what she says. I just need some temporary relief til I can get over whatever this is. I hope you can find some relief too. We have to keep moving forward.

[wrennie]

Delissa, be gentle with yourself. I am sorry you have to walk this road. If medication will help, dont feel bad about using it. Listen to yourself and what you need and take it easy. there is not right or wrong, just what is best to help give you some peace. thinking of you!!

[atvlady]

Thanks. It's a tough road.