There is no right or wrong way for you to be feeling right now. It is a minute by minute experience. When I was pregnant with Sam I was convinced he was going to die - but he didn't. I would lie awake rubbing my belly, praying and crying many nights. It was hard. Harder is the fact that I am having a girl this time around. Will she look just like Chloe? Chloe is my special girl... how can I love another girl? It makes me feel like the world is surreal. Yet in the same moment Chloe makes me strong.
I keep her framed pictures hanging in our home. My boys know their sister through my words. I miss her daily and have guilty feelings too. But I know that it is all normal. You are a wonderful mother and Katlyne knows that love.
Leaving the hospital with empty arms was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. To leave with Sam in my arms was one of the most wonderful things. Something I had dreamed about had finally come true.
I think the biggest thing that happened once Sam was born was that I was so in love and never let anyone hold him for a long time. Even now that he is 18 months old I cannot sleep well if he is not beside me... and I think that is the love Chloe would want us to have here on earth.
Hugs & love to you,
DD 10/26/01 stillbirth
AND ~ It's a GIRL! Laura Elise edd 8/6/04