13 months ago

[dolphincrazy316]

So the one year mark just past in November! That was absolutely the hardest thing ever! We lost Alex just a few days before Thanksgiving! I started being an emotional wreck as soon as November hit. I really didn't think I was going to make it. One our baby's birthday I took a Happy 1st birthday balloon to the cemetary. Then I bought balloons for me and some of my family. We wrote messages on them and we got out in the yard and let them go for baby Alex..That really helped me a lot! We also have a healthy 5 year old ( he was aslo born at 27 weeks ) I was finally ready to tell him about his baby brother just a few days before the one year mark. I really think that helped me too. I was able to answer his questions and he wanted to see a picture of him. Which i thought was really sweet. I had been dreading November 22 for so many weeks! My son will ask me sometimes to take him to the cemetary to see his brother. That just about breaks my heart! There is a new song that comes on the radio by Brad Pasley. Every time it comes on I have to change the station because I absolutlely loose it! It talks about them finding out they are pregnant and going for a sono and finding out they are having a boy. He goes on to say he wonders what he will become and the trouble he will get into..The strange thing is that song comes on almost EVERY time I pass the cemetary but I just cant listen to it..Here lately I have started to have sort of like flash backs of me being in the hospital and having to have an emergency c section because they couldn't find the heartbeat! I'm starting to have anxiety attacks and I just don't know what to do about it...I have been to the dr for the attacks but nothing they have given me seems to do anything...anybody else have this problem? thanks for letting me get all of this off my chest!

[rosemary]

Anniversary dates, especially the first are so incredibly hard. It looks like you did some really sweet things to honor your Alex, and help you cope with the sadness.

I had some anxiety issues. Sometimes it was waking in the middle of the night in a complete panic. Other times it was due to a situation. What you have been through mentally, physically and emotionally is incredibly traumatic. Anxiety can certainly be a normal part of grieving and can hit you out of the blue. I'd suggest talking with your physician and letting them know that the meds you have been prescribed so far aren't helping you. Perhaps there is something else that can be prescribed that will help. Not sure if you have considered counseling, but that might help give you some relief.

Please take good care of yourself...wishing you peace and healing.

[kerisue]

It sounds like you've worked through alot of grief, but I imagine the ache for your baby Alex never goes away. He should be a beautiful toddler right now. I'm so sorry that this disease caused you to lose him, sorry for all of us who've had our precious babies taken from us.