The baby shower issue (warning-pregnancy mentioned)

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The baby shower issue (warning-pregnancy mentioned)

Postby angieb » Sat Jan 08, 2011 12:58 am

This seems to fit here better than anywhere else. I guess I have to make a decision on this fairly soon to give them time to plan it if we're going to have one.

I never made it to my shower with Olivia, she was born and died at the end of September at 23 wks, my shower was supposed to be Thanksgiving weekend.
Now we're expecting our rainbow baby, a little boy, at the end of April, if we have a shower it will be in March. (So far, everything is going a lot better this pregnancy, baby measuring ahead, clear quad screen, my blood pressure and everything is still behaving.)

Honestly, I mostly don't want one. But I have certain well meaning family members and friends who think that it is a must and probably aren't going to drop the whole party thing. While they will concede to let me *not* have a shower, they then begin talking about doing a "meet the baby party" instead. I don't think I'm going to be able to get away with not doing either, and if I have to do something, I guess I'd rather it be a baby shower. (Passing my newborn baby,probably a preemie, around to a bunch of people at a party...no thanks!)

My main issue is not the baby stuff. We've already bought a few things and plan to order the crib once I make it to 24 weeks (almost 21 wks now). My issue is that people so easily act like this is my first pregnancy, this is our first baby, and completely forget/disregard Olivia. (My grandmother even said, "Oh, your dad will finally be a grandpa AFTER ALL!" to me when she learned I was pregnant. Nice.) It seems like having a baby shower, which is supposed to be for FIRST babies, would only reinforce that and I'm afraid of all the jerkface comments I'll have to endure during a baby shower (see case in point, my grandmother. I'd actually feel a lot better if it were possible to have a shower without her there because she always makes the crappiest/most hurtful comments, but that's not really going to work.)

So, I'm looking for any suggestions or advice, or stories about what others have done in this situation.

Thanks!
Me (29) DH (30)
#1-Olivia Caetlyn-9-28-09-9-28-09, 23+2 wks, emergency classic c-section, class I HELLP, IUGR
#2- Lucas Oliver (rainbow baby)- April 2011, 36+2 wks, HELLP and pre-e free! (lovenox and LDA pregnancy)
#3-Matthew, late October 2012...mostly normal, 37 wks, (lovenox and LDA again)
My blog: http://www.butterflies-and-rainbows.blogspot.com/
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Re: The baby shower issue (warning-pregnancy mentioned)

Postby sam10 » Sat Jan 08, 2011 01:38 pm

Puhhh, that's tough. Where I come from (not the US), we have something more like a baby-welcome-party a few weeks after the baby is born. Everything before means bad luck. But these are different cultural habits and norms. So for me that would be the thing to do, but you mentioned this is not something you'd like. The next thing I could think of is that you be involved in the planning process, so you can have a better influence on how things are handled. Otherwise you could just opt out, if this is something that you would feel more comfortable with.
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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Re: The baby shower issue (warning-pregnancy mentioned)

Postby miamibunnie » Sat Jan 08, 2011 02:52 pm

Dont worry I feel the same way about the whole baby shower thing. You know I told my hubby that I am not interested in a baby shower and if they do decide to do one just for 2 to 3 hours tops. But honestly not in the mood for that, my baby shower gift is for my baby and I to stay healthy.
Lisette 37 Hubby 37
Lisette 36 / Luis 36
1996 25 weeker due to Eclampsia with seizures daughter alive today 15 yrs old " Julyzah Caridad"
2010 23 weeker due to severe preeclampsia my angel left us

2011/27/July we beat preeclampsia and made it to 36.5 weeks 6lbs 1oz baby girl "Kendall Lauren " pe-free just bp started acting up.
Thanks to God, my doctor, Lovenox and Lda.
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Re: The baby shower issue (warning-pregnancy mentioned)

Postby m » Sat Jan 08, 2011 10:54 pm

I didn't make it to my shower with my first baby either, and there is no way I would have been emotionally able to have a shower for my second baby, either before or after her birth. I politely declined all offers for a shower and just had to be firm about it multiple times.

My mom went to a shower where the grandma of the baby just carried the baby around the room so everyone could see but not touch (just a regular newborn, not a preemie) and she thought it was a great idea and everyone was fine with it. I found that everyone we were around after the birth of our daughter was just fine with no touching and lots of hand washing.
DS 2/5/09 - 2/13/09; severe PE at 28 weeks
DD March 2010; PIH, preterm labor at 36 weeks, 10 days NICU
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Re: The baby shower issue (warning-pregnancy mentioned)

Postby jamie w » Sun Jan 09, 2011 11:12 pm

A girl I know had her shower after her twins were born but did not bring them because they were preemies. There were pictures of them everywhere at the shower though. Everyone was very understanding. Maybe that would work? I have not had a loss but had a horrid last pregnancy and I declined a shower fir this pregnancy out of fear. I cannot imagine enduring one after a loss. You have to do what feels right for you. (((hugs)))
Jamie
DD Carly 7-1-04 PE at 37 weeks (6 lbs 9 oz)
DD Anna 12-3-07 PE at 24 weeks and delivered at 38 weeks after 13 weeks bedrest, gestational diabetes, and oligo. This sweet baby has cerebral palsy and epilepsy thanks to my dear friend PE (5 lbs 15 oz)
DS Gabe 2-24-11 at 35 weeks for chronic HTN with superimposed PIH (5 lb 13 oz) 18 NICU days
http://www.ourlifeinholland.blogspot.com
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