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Baby Shower advice

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Baby Shower advice

Postby l412angel » Tue Jan 11, 2011 05:55 pm

by l412angel (1746 Posts), Tue Jan 11, 2011 05:55 pm

So due to the holidays last year I had Cara's shower when I was 29 weeks. I lost her a week later. I returned most things and actually took money I got and paid for medical bills/funeral etc...

So this time I am having my shower this weekend (yay) I will be a day shy of 30 weeks.

I have heard some remarks "I hope he enjoys the swing " (from Caras shower)

Also nothing is really bought off my registry.
Now I feel like people think I should not have a shower? I feel like I am being selfish having a shower now as no one seems to be talking or happy about it.

What am I supposed to do..."oh I didnt have a shower for carter just in case?" ugh :(
Laura Angel (Factor V Leiden)
Mommy to Cara Angel 2LBS 11OZ 16 IN. Born at 30 weeks due to Severe PE & HELLP.
"My life went with you sweetheart the day angels called you home"

Our Rainbow Baby Carter born March 5 2011 7lbs 7oz 20.5in 36 weeks 4days PE FREE

Baby #3 due June 2012
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Re: Baby Shower advice

Postby christina89 » Tue Jan 11, 2011 06:44 pm

by christina89 (346 Posts), Tue Jan 11, 2011 06:44 pm

I have been thinking about the same thing actually. My son passed the day of his schedualed baby shower. people had gifts already bought and stuff and now I feel odd about having another one when the time comes. Unfortunatly most people don't understand what we are going threw or what we have went threw. Id say you don't sound selfish. I think they are being unfair. and you should approch that day with a smile on your face, because you know in your heart that you are doing what is righ and going to make you feel good. hope this help. Good Luck and Thinking about you.
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Re: Baby Shower advice

Postby frogibe » Tue Jan 11, 2011 07:37 pm

by frogibe (327 Posts), Tue Jan 11, 2011 07:37 pm

Laura,
I don't think your being selfish at all! I never did have a baby shower for Kelsie, but plan on having one for our next child. I think that Carter deserves a shower and why would you not plan one " for just in case...." that is just ridiculous! People may not or never understand, but you need to do what is right for you, your hubby, and Carter.
Jennifer(27) Chronic Hypertensive
mommy to Kelsie born 1-10-10 from severe pre-e and HELLP at 28wks.
grew her wings on 2-14-10 due to NEC.
and to Josephine born 8-4-11 at 35wks. due to low amniotic fluid, but PE and HELLP FREE!!!! I kicked PRE-E in the behind!!!!!
Surprise! We are expecting #3 in April 2013
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Re: Baby Shower advice

Postby l412angel » Tue Jan 11, 2011 07:56 pm

by l412angel (1746 Posts), Tue Jan 11, 2011 07:56 pm

Thank you guys :) I just feel like I want to continue to do everything "normal" and treat this as a normal pregnancy...after all thats all we ever wish for.
Laura Angel (Factor V Leiden)
Mommy to Cara Angel 2LBS 11OZ 16 IN. Born at 30 weeks due to Severe PE & HELLP.
"My life went with you sweetheart the day angels called you home"

Our Rainbow Baby Carter born March 5 2011 7lbs 7oz 20.5in 36 weeks 4days PE FREE

Baby #3 due June 2012
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Re: Baby Shower advice

Postby kerisue » Tue Jan 11, 2011 09:28 pm

by kerisue (623 Posts), Tue Jan 11, 2011 09:28 pm

I think you should go ahead with the shower! You could casually mention at some point, "unfortunately I just couldn't keep all the wonderful gifts I was given for Cara, they were bought for her not Carter, and they brought too many painful memories." A subtle way to let them know that you actually don't have all the stuff you were given for Cara. Some people (like me, so far) can't bear to get rid of anything meant for the 1st baby, others need to clean everything out. Those people probably don't understand anything about grieving for a child.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: Baby Shower advice

Postby m » Tue Jan 11, 2011 11:09 pm

by m (140 Posts), Tue Jan 11, 2011 11:09 pm

I agree with the other replies - people just don't understand what you've been through, and probably some of your friends are unsure of how to act or what to say. I like Kerisue's idea to mention to people that you were unable to keep Cara's gifts. You deserve to have a great, fun baby shower - I hope you enjoy it!
DS 2/5/09 - 2/13/09; severe PE at 28 weeks
DD March 2010; PIH, preterm labor at 36 weeks, 10 days NICU
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Re: Baby Shower advice

Postby NaomiSadie916 » Fri Jan 14, 2011 08:04 pm

by NaomiSadie916 (19 Posts), Fri Jan 14, 2011 08:04 pm

Awe Laura, dont feel guilty or like you shouldn't have one. Of course you should. You deserve it. I know it will be beautiful. Heck I am on FB watch for those pictures when they come! I am excited for you. And yes I am bummed I didn't get to have my shower due to me being in hospital, but I am very thankful miss Sadie is home and safe with me! You will have a beautiful shower and I know Carter's big sister Cara will be watching to make sure of it! xoxo :!:
Mommy & Preeclampsia Survivor to two beautiful girls-Naomi Hope born at 28 weeks 1lb 12 oz 4/27/09-6/1/09. Sadie Marie 34w6d 9/16/10 4lb 15 oz
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