resentment

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resentment

Postby dolphincrazy316 » Sat Jan 15, 2011 02:28 pm

Everytime I hear about somebody announcing a pregnancy I can't seem to be happy for them..Its more like I resent them..The only time I can be happy for them is if they have also had problems with pregnancy! Like I have a cousin that just had a baby and I was over the moon excited for her because the dr told her that she would never be able to have a baby! So when they announced her pregnancy I was SO happy for her! But if somebody that I know tells me they are pregnant but they have never had to experience a miscarriage or carrying a baby for 27 weeks only to leave the hospital without him and have to plan a funeral! Does anybody else ever feel this way? Is this a normal feeling? Please help!
Hayden born 4-2-05 2lbs 2oz due to preeclampsia, spent 9 weeks in the NICU

Alex Bradley born in the arms of angels on 11-22-09 1lb 10oz due to preeclampsia and complete placental abruption

Baby #3 due Feb 2012
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Re: resentment

Postby kerisue » Sat Jan 15, 2011 05:53 pm

Resentment is something I'm working through too, especially with a coworker who didn't want to get pregnant and then sailed right through with 0 problems.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: resentment

Postby angieb » Sat Jan 15, 2011 09:00 pm

I'm pregnant (sorry to bring it up), but I wanted to chime in because I felt that way before I was pregnant again, and I still pretty much feel that way, having to do fertility treatments to get pregnant didn't help matters when it seemed everyone around me could get pregnant their first or second time trying and then went on to have completely easy pregnancies. With the fertility thing, I always told myself that my friend getting pregnant her first time trying didn't have anything to do with my hard time getting pregnant, and I try to remind myself of that with pregnancies too, but it does feel pretty unfair sometimes. And if they start whining...ugh. All bets are off then.

Anyway, I vote normal.
Me (29) DH (30)
#1-Olivia Caetlyn-9-28-09-9-28-09, 23+2 wks, emergency classic c-section, class I HELLP, IUGR
#2- Lucas Oliver (rainbow baby)- April 2011, 36+2 wks, HELLP and pre-e free! (lovenox and LDA pregnancy)
#3-Matthew, late October 2012...mostly normal, 37 wks, (lovenox and LDA again)
My blog: http://www.butterflies-and-rainbows.blogspot.com/
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Re: resentment

Postby m » Sat Jan 15, 2011 11:27 pm

I have struggled with the same feelings. Even after having a good outcome with my second pregnancy, it is still difficult to hear about other women's pregnancies. Knowing people who 'accidentally' get pregnant, people who seem to effortlessly have baby after baby, and especially people who smoke while they're pregnant and then get to take a baby home - it's all hard. It's definitely gotten better with time, but I suspect I will always have these feelings to some degree.
DS 2/5/09 - 2/13/09; severe PE at 28 weeks
DD March 2010; PIH, preterm labor at 36 weeks, 10 days NICU
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Re: resentment

Postby trish9 » Sun Jan 16, 2011 10:17 am

I have struggled with those feelings too and have felt not too good about myself for doing so, but am working through it. It was especially hard for me to deal with a coworker who had her second baby just a month after my loss. She continually complains about the childrens's needs taking up so much of her time that she can't do things with her friends, she doesn't have her "own life anymore" etc. Ugh! I'm trying to pray about it and not be so affected by those types of situations.
Trish
Pre-eclampsia and HELLP at 23 weeks +2 days
My little love Alexander. Born and passed on January 3rd, 2010.
Underlying disorders: IgA nephropathy, chronic hypertension and Hashimoto's thyroiditis
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Re: resentment

Postby jean » Sun Jan 16, 2011 04:53 pm

I can relate to this completely. It's so unfair..
Our first son was born and passed in Feb of 2010. Born at 29 weeks due to HELLP and passed due to NEC. We miss him every day. :~(

Our second son was born at 39 weeks gestation in Nov of 2011. No HELLP or pre-e! Took LDA starting at week 12 and went off of it at week 38!

http://findingtherainbowconnection.blogspot.com/
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Re: resentment

Postby dolphincrazy316 » Sun Jan 16, 2011 09:07 pm

Thank you all so much..It seems like the ones that don't want a baby are the ones that always end up pregnant. I know this girl that has a 5 year old lil girl. The lil girl doesnt even live with her and hasn't for over 3 years. She couldnt take care of her at all. Well this girl came up pregnant again. Due next month. She told somebody that she only wanted the baby for the first year then she was going to pawn him off on somebody!! It people like that that shouldnt be able to have kids!! She is living in a house with no running water and no electricity!! Thats when I get upset! How could anybody feel that was about a baby when there are other people that would give anything to have a baby! I would love to have another baby for my son to grow up with!
Hayden born 4-2-05 2lbs 2oz due to preeclampsia, spent 9 weeks in the NICU

Alex Bradley born in the arms of angels on 11-22-09 1lb 10oz due to preeclampsia and complete placental abruption

Baby #3 due Feb 2012
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Re: resentment

Postby jamilyn » Sun Feb 13, 2011 09:57 pm

I have felt the same way. I have friends and cousins who have 3 or 4 kids and are pregnant again and it is hard for me to get excited for them. When someone I know who has had difficult pregnancies or has a hard time getting pregnant and they become pregnant I am very happy and excited for them. I have been having an easier time with people who were a big support for me during my pregnancy and realize how special it is to be pregnant. Happy to hear I'm not the only one who has these feelings.
Jamilyn
Mommys Angel - Dallin : October 9 - 16, born at 27 weeks due to Eclamptic Seizure and HELLP
Miracle Boy - Stratton : April 27, born at 35 weeks due to Pre-Eclampsia, 11 days in the NICU
Mommys 2nd Angel - Anthon : Born into the Arms of Angels on November 12, at 25 weeks gestation due to a Complete Placental Abruption. Diagnosed with HELLP & Severe Pre-Eclampsia

www.2angelsandamiracle.blogspot.com
www.laneeslegacy.blogspot.com
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Re: resentment

Postby teresatolman » Mon Feb 14, 2011 02:33 pm

What you are feeling is completely normal. The thing is unless you have been through it you can not understand. That is why the rest of the world probably makes us feel like we are mean and spiteful. Really we are just trying to cope with grief and loss and it seems as though everyone else who can concieve and carry at the drop of a hat has to shove their perfect pregnancies in our faces. Hang in there, you are not alone!
Mommy to Ashley born 36 weeks after induction for severe preeclampsia that progressed to eclampsia (2000), Zackary born 35 weeks after induction for PIH (2001), Jacob born at 34 weeks due to severe pre-e, and my little angel Hannah born into heaven in 2007 from severe pre-e causing clotting off of placenta from MTHFR mutation and prothrombin mutation.
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Re: resentment

Postby Lee Ann » Thu Feb 17, 2011 03:46 pm

Yes, I would say it's a normal response to feel resentment at times when someone announces their pregnancy. My cousin just announced her pregnancy about a month ago. I congratulated her because I had to...not because I really wanted to. That sounds terrible, but I did feel jealousy and resentment. My husband and I have been ttc for a year now. So, I wasn't particulary happy about her announcement. I think it's only natural that we want to experience what most women get to experience. A healty pregnancy with good outcomes. My cousin has posted pictures of her ultrasound on facebook and people are commenting and congratulating. I prefer to remain silent. I am happy for her and I honestly do not mean any ill will, but it is (no matter who announces it) always a reminder of what we have lost. I admit, at times I feel disappointed in myslef for thinking and feeling some of the things that I do, but I also know that what my husband and I went through was very tramatic. How we deal with some of these issues are very individualized. I don't think it's abnormal. I think it's just trying to work through our grief and to some extent we try to protect ourselves.
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