Jackie, my heart is breaking for you. Understanding what happens in a preeclamptic pregnancy is even harder when it's compounded by the loss of your beautiful baby.
Again, if you're still feeling suicidal, please tell you loved ones and a heath professional immediately, the rest of this can wait.
If you're "just" grieving, let me give you some information that I've found over the years. I don't know anything about NEC but I can tell you a little about preeclampsia / PE (around here we use a variety of abbreviations, I like "PE" but you'll see lots of variation).
PE is diagnosed with two bp readings of at least 140/90 taken at least 6 hours apart (after 20 weeks gestation) and 300mg protein in a 24-hour urine collection (often indicated by +1 on a screening dipstick, but the screening dips are notoriously inaccurate in both directions because of hydration).
Diagnostic criteria for severe preeclampsia include at least *one* of the following (http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/796690-overview
* Systolic BP greater than 160 mm Hg or diastolic BP greater than 110 mm Hg on 2 occasions 6 hours apart with the patient at bed rest (our experts, top doctors in PE research and treatment, seem to use 160/100)
* Proteinuria greater than 5000 mg in a 24-hour collection or more than 3+ on 2 random urine samples collected at least 4 hours apart
* Oliguria with less than 500 mL per 24 hours
* Persistent maternal headache or visual disturbance
* Pulmonary edema or cyanosis
* Concerning abdominal pain
* Impaired liver function test findings
* Oligohydramnios, decreased fetal growth, or placental abruption
From your narrative, and again I'm no doc, it sounds like you were experiencing quite a few of the criteria for severe PE. PE is very unpredictable. We have had members meet the diagnostic criteria very early in pregnancy and stay pregnant (under close surveillance) to 37+ weeks. We have also had members go to a noon appointment perfectly healthy, and by midnight be close to death in intensive care.
Very recently, scientists have started to understand what might be going on in PE. I love this article:http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2006/0 ... 724fa_fact
I have to head to work, more members will be along soon. Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter Mia.