Do you have...

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

Do you have...

Postby cmccaffrey » Fri Feb 25, 2011 12:33 am

friends who continuously bring up other friends pregnancies in your presence. Like as if nothing ever happened to you... as if you never even had or lost a baby. My friend has been doing this quite a bit and this morning I got a text birth announcement about a friend of hers. I know it is meant as a nice gesture, but to me it feels like she's shoving them in my face. I want to hear of successful pregnancies, but I want to find out in my own time. I don't need a personal assistant to inform me of all this information. It's annoying more than anything. I don't feel like she's doing it to protect me... almost like she's throwing it in my face..."see heres another awesome pregnancy, but your baby still died and it sucks to be you" kind of thing. I can't even handle it. I have been doing so good, but these constant little reminders from her are making me more depressed.

I'm so not getting out of bed today...I'm just going to wallow in my loss.
Christa (25) & J (26)
Mommy to:
Mason born 10.11.10 @ 30+3 wks due to Severe Pre-E. Only lived 2.5 days
Noah born 2.1.12 @ 38 weeks thanks to lots of doctors visits, LDA, Lovenox and no preeclampsia!

learn more about our story... http://tinyurl.com/7a979vy
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cmccaffrey
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Re: Do you have...

Postby m » Fri Feb 25, 2011 03:12 pm

Have you told your friend how difficult it is for you to hear about pregnancies and births? Maybe wait until you're having a better day and send her an email and tell her that you appreciate her friendship at this sad time in your life but you need to not hear about other people's babies for a while? After my loss I had some people in my life who were great and really seemed to understand what I needed, and some others that I just had to tell to back off, or to please not give me any more news of babies. Some people are just totally clueless and have to be told. Most people have good intentions, and your friend probably does too. But unless they have suffered a loss, they have no way of understanding what you're going through.

Some days you just have to wallow and hope for a better day tomorrow!
DS 2/5/09 - 2/13/09; severe PE at 28 weeks
DD March 2010; PIH, preterm labor at 36 weeks, 10 days NICU
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m
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Re: Do you have...

Postby jean » Fri Feb 25, 2011 05:56 pm

Yep, and everyone around me seems to be pregnant or have a baby right now. It's absolutely miserable.
Our first son was born and passed in Feb of 2010. Born at 29 weeks due to HELLP and passed due to NEC. We miss him every day. :~(

Our second son was born at 39 weeks gestation in Nov of 2011. No HELLP or pre-e! Took LDA starting at week 12 and went off of it at week 38!

http://findingtherainbowconnection.blogspot.com/
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Re: Do you have...

Postby cmccaffrey » Fri Feb 25, 2011 06:01 pm

@Jean----isn't it so ANNOYING! I am truly happy for those people just pissed that I can't be them. It's jealousy more than anything... Jealous that my pregnancy with my son didn't work out the way it should have. errrrr

@m----yeah... I think I will have to say something to her because it's been going on for a while. I know she is not being intentionally insensitive, but its really upsetting and totally throws me back into my depression. I need more time before I will be okay hearing about other people's babies and pregnancies... it's just too hard right now. Is that wrong?
Christa (25) & J (26)
Mommy to:
Mason born 10.11.10 @ 30+3 wks due to Severe Pre-E. Only lived 2.5 days
Noah born 2.1.12 @ 38 weeks thanks to lots of doctors visits, LDA, Lovenox and no preeclampsia!

learn more about our story... http://tinyurl.com/7a979vy
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cmccaffrey
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Re: Do you have...

Postby m » Fri Feb 25, 2011 07:16 pm

No, it's not wrong at all!! Take a look at this topic and you will see that you're very normal:
viewtopic.php?f=14&t=41593
DS 2/5/09 - 2/13/09; severe PE at 28 weeks
DD March 2010; PIH, preterm labor at 36 weeks, 10 days NICU
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