This stupid guilt

[flori]

Hi everyone. When will I get over this guilt? I woke up early this morning and ended up in tears thinking about all of the things that we could have done differently, wondering if doing those things differently would have saved Gracie.

The biggest thing I've been killing myself with is wondering if I should have gone on hospital bedrest. Dh and I opted to have me rest at home when we found out she had IUGR and placenta issues. He did everything for me. I was hardly up on my feet, only to shower and use the bathroom. I keep thinking, what if I had just been hospitalized then? Would it have saved her? Would it somehow have kept my liver enzymes from going up? Would I not have had protein in my urine? Could they have monitored me more closely and kept me pregnant longer? Would demanding steroids have made the difference?

I'm so mad at myself.

[kerisue]

I still struggle with feelings of guilt (mostly surrounding if I'd only been healthier when I got pregnant would that have made a difference). But I don't think you should beat yourself up about the bed rest at all. The research is pretty inconclusive about how much, if any, bedrest helps. Your illness probably began long before you were put on bedrest. Some MFM specialists don't prescribe it at all. I was put on bedrest just a few days before I delivered and wasn't as strict about it as you were. I have been assured by a very well known MFM specialist that that had NOTHING to do with the progression of my disease.

[frogibe]

I think everyone has gone through the guilt running through us. It is normal to feel guilty. All you wanted was your baby to be happy and healthy and to have no control over a situation is hard. Try to remember that there is nothing you could do in that situation...hospital bed rest does nothing for most of us. I was on bed rest for 7 days and still had my daughter at 28 weeks. Your going to have days or nights or even mornings when you feel this way. I am pregnant with my second and still lay in bed thinking and replaying moments with my daughter. I truly think it is part of the grieving process and we just have to go through it. Hugs;)

[riehlism]

Guilt. That's a tough one. I struggled with that a lot over the first few months. I was plagued with what-ifs. I believe it's a natural process for grief--placing blame for something catastrophic. My husband kept reminding me that there was nothing to be done. No doctor could have stopped it, no diet, and no amount of bed rest could have helped the situation. I was in the hospital for over a week on bed rest being monitored constantly. No matter what they did, my BP kept creeping up.

I think the hardest part of grief has to do with acceptance. Accepting your child is gone. Accepting that no matter how you slice it, there's no real way of preventing what happened. Accepting that no matter how small the feeling may seem years from now, there will always be a sense of loss and want.

I hope you will get to the level of acceptance in your grieving process.

[holly3372@msn.com]

I go back and forth with guilt too. I think should I have eaten more of this or less of that,stopped working,realized the signs on and on. I know I did all that I knew at the time to do. I ate right or at least thought I did,ent to prenantal yoga,slept plenty,cut my work load in half,when to my doc appts,took my vitamins......still I got so sick so fast,still Benjamin was born at 26 weeks,still we watched him fight for his life for 4 months in that nicu,still we lost him. I am easier with myself lately,we have no other children and april 28th would have been his 1st birthday. We want to try again once his bday has passed. I know I have to stop blaming myself too,it's not easy the guilt. You are not alone. xoxo

[uncskristy]

The overwhelming guilt does get better with time although I can't say that it will really go away completely. It has taken me a long time to accept this but PE is a disease that no one can control. Bedrest helps the BP a tad but won't improve the liver and kidney function problems. I was on Hospital Bedrest for 4 days. My BP was a tad high the day I was hospitalized and dropped down to high 130s while on bedrest. The bleeding from the placenta tear stopped and everything was looking good until the fourth day when the steroids stopped masking what was really going on with my kidneys and liver. None of us need to blame ourselves for what happened.