The soap in the hospital

[jean]

I went in for my first blood draw today and urine culture. I was washing my hands afterward and it hit me, hard. The smell of the soap. The same smell of the soap that I used to wash my hands each time we entered the NICU. It filled me with emotion and memory....that was really hard. :~( I think that has been my biggest trigger of a memory thus far..missing our son..

[cmccaffrey]

I'm sorry! I get those sensory triggers as well. I was in a completely different hospital getting blood drawn last night and for me it was the smell of coffee. I don't even drink coffee, but there is always that crappy coffee smell in hospitals. It made me think of passing by the food carts as I walked through the halls of L&D. <3

[flori]

Jean, I'm sorry. It must have been bittersweet to be there pregnant but without your son.

The smell of the OBGYN waiting room is what gets me. When I had to go in to get my stitches removed (5 days after Gracie died), the emotion was still very raw and I cried almost instantly. When I went back for my pp three weeks later, it was the same thing. I kept flashing back to each prenatal appointment or ultrasound and pictured how happy dh and I were to be having a baby.

I also hate any type of hospital scene on tv. The other night we were watching the comedy Dirty Work and there was a hospital scene that made my chest hurt. Seeing the equipment and the hospital bed (fake or not) hit me hard.

[kerisue]

I can see the same thing happening to me some day. Its the littlest things sometimes that can bring the pain flooding back. Unfortunately it is probably the first of many triggers as you enter this next pregnancy so hang in there.

[sam10]

sending you (hugs)....smells can be very powerful reminders...each time I use purell it happens to me.....

[teresatolman]

Hospital smells can be very overpowering and trigger so many past traumatic events. For me it is the smell of the chlorahexadine scrub (kind of like soap) that our hospital uses before lab draws and IV starts. Just smelling it almost brings tears to my eyes because it is so strongly tied to all my memories of Hannah. And it sucks because I work in a hospital and have to use it from time to time. Sometimes I do ok and sometimes it is such a trigger.

I know this may sound so crazy to everyone but one night I was having a terrible night and was missing Hannah so much it literally felt like I couldn't breathe. I took one of the little swabs of it and opened it and just smelled it a few times while my eyes were closed and pretended she was still there with me. It made me feel so much better. Funny how your mind can trick you into things or bring back things that you tie to certain events.

Hang in there. Sorry you had to go through that.