Heartbroken without Andy

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Heartbroken without Andy

Postby jeanny_zrp » Fri Apr 29, 2011 01:43 pm

When me and my husband decided to get pregnant it happened in no time at all, I am 34 years old and no one in my family had ever suffered preeclampsia. During my pregnancy I experienced no nausea at all and other than feeling sleepy the first trimester I actually felt very well. I had attended my doctor checkups every month and everything looked normal. Andy was developing normally and we were thrilled about having a baby boy. Mid February 2011 I went to my medical checkup and everything was just right; my blood pressure was 100/60 as I always had it and I was 22 weeks pregnant.

The following two weeks I started feeling tired again and I had experienced a bit of headaches. I thought it was pretty normal because I had bit more stress at work and I thought that my headaches and feeling tired were due to that. My clothes felt tighter than usual and I thought it was time to go buy maternity clothes. I went with a friend to try on different outfits and as I looked at myself in the mirror I saw myself so fat. I know that most women feel so fat and unattractive when pregnant and for me it wasn't any different. My face looked puffy and I disliked what I saw in the mirror, I just thought I should take a closer look at what I was eating and watch my weight more closely.

Sunday February 27th I went to bed feeling extremely tired and with a bigger headache, I took some Iboprofen and went to sleep. Then next morning I went to work feeling so tired... but as I mentioned before, I was under pressure at work, so I didn't think anything was wrong. Tuesday morning when I woke up I had a nose bleed. My husband asked me to lie down until the nosebleed stopped. I couldn't miss work that day either so as soon as my nosebleed stopped I got ready to go to work. Mid morning my husband called me (as he usually did) to see how I was feeling, but this time he asked me to go to the infermery and have my blood pressure checked. My husband is a doctor and I guess he got a bad feeling something was happening to me, I guess he suspected preeclampsia. When I took my blood pressure it was 160/100, and by the time he arrived to pick me up at work to rush me to the hospital it was already 180/110. When we arrived at the hospital my blood pressure had risen to 200/120!! My vision was blurry and I had a major head ache, but oddly I didn't feel that my life or my baby's life was at risk. I thought they would give me medicine to control my blood pressure an everything would be taken care of.

Sadly, the following day I didn't feel Andy move any more, my blood pressure was under control, so I thought, but things weren't going well. The radiologist took me to an ecosonogram. We could hear Andy's heart beat, but the doctor was very silent, that was when I knew things could go terribly wrong. Andy had not developed as he should in the last two weeks. Although he was 24 weeks he was the size of a 22 week old baby and the doctor explained that the levels of omniotic fluid had decreased.

I spent the following week at the hospital and on Wednesday March 2nd I was induced to labor. Andy was born on Thursday but he did not make it. I had been diagnosed with severe preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome, and as it appears and I had begun with symptoms right after my checkup. It really never occurred to me that anything was wrong when everything had appeared to be so right. I had to leave the hospital so sad, heartbroken, without my baby, my breast hurting from the milk I was producing and with no one to be fed.

Today two months after all this happened I am still taking medication to control my blood pressure, but the doctor had been lowering my dosis. They expect me to be off medication in about a month. When I think of my baby, there is still a big hole in my heart and in my soul. It breaks my heart when I see other pregnant women at work that were fewer weeks pregnant than I was, how their belly grows and as I get closer to what should have been my due date.

Walking into Andy's room and seeing the mural that I painted for him, putting his things away, seeing my friends with their babies. I feel so sad and unfortunate that my baby could not make it. I only hope that this pain goes away and that some day I can be blessed with a baby.

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