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Frustration with Husband's family

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Frustration with Husband's family

Postby uncskristy » Thu May 26, 2011 09:37 am

by uncskristy (170 Posts), Thu May 26, 2011 09:37 am

I feel like all I do here is complain but I know you ladies can relate better than others would :)
I have always wanted to go to Charleston, SC. This weekend I am finally getting to visit but I am not excited at all. It is for my husband's cousin's wedding. No one from my FIL's side of the family acknowledged Cooper's life or death. None attended Cooper's funeral, none sent sympathy cards, not even a phone call, no email or even facebook wall posts when we make comments about missing our son or the PE Promise Walk. I know my husband is hurt by this especially when he looks at my family who have done the complete opposite. My husband is excited about this weekend because he knows that I have always wanted to go to Charleston SC. I have not had the heart to tell him that I am not really excited because of the reason for the trip.
And to top it all off, my husband tells me last night that his stepmom has alway started talking about how we need to name this baby after my father-in-law. The same thing happened with Cooper. She and her daughter threw a fit about how we needed to name Cooper after my father-in-law. My father-in-law even threw a semi-fit. Only our first child has been named after someone and that person was my husband so its not like we are picking sides of family. Why anyone (especially a stepmother and stepsister who never even lived with my husband) think they have the right to tell us what to name our children is beyond me. And to demand someone to name a child after you is just plain nuts. Plus, there is no way in * that we would ever name our child after a person who puts alcohol before his son, grandson and his own health, is consistantly hurting my husband by making promises and then not keeping them and who while my husband was in college got a credit card in my husband's name, didn't pay it, screwed up my husband's credit which almost cost my husband the opportunity to work where we have both been employed at for almost ten years. In my opinion, they need to be grateful that we still even acknowledge them. My husband's stepmother is a really loud drunk who will probably talk about the whole name thing this weekend and I don't know if I will be able to be the better person.
Kristy
Mommy of Three Boys- Davis 10/4/2007(No PE, overbaked at 40wks, 2 days),
Cooper 5/20/2010-5/21/2010 (born too early at 24wks, 2 days due to severe PE) and
Blaine 10/11/11 (35wks, 6 days, mild but quick moving PE)
Wife to Matthew since 6/11/2005
uncskristy
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Re: Frustration with Husband's family

Postby m » Thu May 26, 2011 01:58 pm

by m (140 Posts), Thu May 26, 2011 01:58 pm

Oh, that doesn't sound like a fun trip. How sad that none of your husband's family acknowledged Cooper's life. Do they know about your current pregnancy? Maybe you can excuse yourself to go take a rest if things get bad. I agree that they shouldn't be pushing you to choose a certain name. I know it's hard to put up with people like that, but if you can be the better person and just bite your tongue, you will be glad you did after it's all over. People generally like to talk about themselves; maybe if they bring it up you can ask them a personal question about something else they are interested in (aside from naming your child for you :>).
DS 2/5/09 - 2/13/09; severe PE at 28 weeks
DD March 2010; PIH, preterm labor at 36 weeks, 10 days NICU
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Re: Frustration with Husband's family

Postby kerisue » Thu May 26, 2011 10:29 pm

by kerisue (623 Posts), Thu May 26, 2011 10:29 pm

boy am I ticked at their behavior, both regarding Cooper and this new baby- a part of me would really approve of you giving them a piece of your mind if given the opportunity. but in the long run, I agree with M's sensible advice! i'm sorry you can't just enjoy the trip to charleston and have to deal with all that on top of everything else.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: Frustration with Husband's family

Postby uncskristy » Thu Jun 02, 2011 09:26 am

by uncskristy (170 Posts), Thu Jun 02, 2011 09:26 am

I was able to make it through the weekend being the better person! Friday night we ate dinner with my FIL and Step MIL. While FIL was in the bathroom, Step MIL brought up the name thing again. I let my husband handle the arguing this time around while I kept busy with Davis. I was very proud of my husband because he was able to argue with her in a crowded restaurant without getting ugly about it and without out right saying "No way in * will we name our child after him because he sucks". On Saturday at the wedding I was not particularly too social with his family. But it was a outdoor wedding (ceremony & reception) in one of the most humid, hot areas of the US, I was lobster red already from a boat tour in the morning, was watching all other adults pertake in wine and beer, so there is just so much they can expect from me at this point :)
Kristy
Mommy of Three Boys- Davis 10/4/2007(No PE, overbaked at 40wks, 2 days),
Cooper 5/20/2010-5/21/2010 (born too early at 24wks, 2 days due to severe PE) and
Blaine 10/11/11 (35wks, 6 days, mild but quick moving PE)
Wife to Matthew since 6/11/2005
uncskristy
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Posts: 170
Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2010 11:24 am
Location: North Carolina

Re: Frustration with Husband's family

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Thu Jun 02, 2011 07:06 pm

by holly3372@msn.com (478 Posts), Thu Jun 02, 2011 07:06 pm

Wow yes you sure were the better person and good for you! You don't need any added stress. I don't know that I would have handled it as well as you though. After losing my son I have little tolerance these days for peoples ignorance. I am sorry you have to deal with that and am proud of you for handling it the way you did. :)
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013
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Re: Frustration with Husband's family

Postby m » Thu Jun 02, 2011 11:11 pm

by m (140 Posts), Thu Jun 02, 2011 11:11 pm

Good for you!! Sounds like you got to enjoy yourself a little, too, with a boat tour.
DS 2/5/09 - 2/13/09; severe PE at 28 weeks
DD March 2010; PIH, preterm labor at 36 weeks, 10 days NICU
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Re: Frustration with Husband's family

Postby uncskristy » Mon Jun 20, 2011 09:45 am

by uncskristy (170 Posts), Mon Jun 20, 2011 09:45 am

Update.
We ate lunch with my hubby's dad, stepmom and her family yesterday for Father's Day. I was chitchatting with one of her daughter's about how my oldest son Davis and my husband wanted to name this baby Beauchamp and I vetoed that option and we went with Blaine instead. I did not notice it but my husband told me afterwards that his stepmom got this look of anger on her face when I mentioned Blaine's name and then got up and walked away. This after I had already corrected the stepmom's father when he said that we would just have to have a third child so we could have a girl that "actually that a future child would be our fourth and since Cooper was our second boy and Blaine makes three boys total, we would just expect to have another boy which I like having boys"
I wonder if I can convince my husband that we should not see these people again after November because the stress they cause ;)
Kristy
Mommy of Three Boys- Davis 10/4/2007(No PE, overbaked at 40wks, 2 days),
Cooper 5/20/2010-5/21/2010 (born too early at 24wks, 2 days due to severe PE) and
Blaine 10/11/11 (35wks, 6 days, mild but quick moving PE)
Wife to Matthew since 6/11/2005
uncskristy
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Posts: 170
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Location: North Carolina


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