Daddies and daughters

[flori]

I see them everywhere. Precious little girls with their doting fathers. I always thought that every man wanted a son. Someone they could teach and mold and show them how to be a man themselves. It wasn't until Gracie that I realized how much daddies love their daughters.

I see the pain on my husband's face every time we come across a little girl and her daddy. Today we went to the beach and a little girl was trying to sneak up on her dad. She laughed and squealed when he caught her and chased her down to the water. I saw hubs bite back tears when it happened.

When I was pregnant with Gracie he would talk to her and tell her about all of the things they were going to do together. She was going to watch sports with him, learn how to bbq and such. When I was put on bedrest he promised her a car of her choosing when she turned 16, even if it meant he'd have to sell his own to buy hers. As things got worse he promised her anything she wanted. He wrote a letter to her after she died and admitted that while he wanted her to be a tomboy he would have gladly played tea party and dress-up with her if it was what she wanted.

As much as I miss my daughter, it breaks my heart even more seeing my husband struggle. I feel like I failed him and I am terrified of failing him again.

[m]

I completely understand how you feel. During the first hunting season after our son died, I was brokenhearted at the thought that my husband would never be able to take his little boy hunting. Things like this will eventually get easier. Until then, be easy on yourself. I repeat this often: the first thing my doctor told me the morning after my midnight c-section was that getting pre-eclampsia was not my fault and that there was nothing I could have done differently. Maybe your body failed you but you didn't fail anybody.

[miamibunnie]

Your post made me cry..everytime I think of my little one passing it breaks my heart. I felt the same way everytime I would see a little girl with her parents. Loosing a child is one of the worst pain. stay strong..

[angieb]

What m said (well, her doctor) bears repeating and i wish everyone who has had a loss had someone to tell them that, for me it was actually the ultrasound tech. but seriously, it wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong to cause this--it was not your weight or pcos or forgetting your prenatal vitamins a few times or anything that you did or didn't do. There's no rhyme or reason to it, you did not cause it and probably couldn't have prevented it. It was not something in your control. That's one thing to hear and understand but took awhile- a long long while, like a year- for me to truly accept and let go of that guilt. Even if you can't really believe it in your heart yet, keep telling yourself anyway.

For a long time, even moments now, it's hard to see little girls, especially around the age our daughter should be. Hang in there. Thinking of you guys.