by Nadenet1229 (41 Posts), Wed Sep 28, 2011 11:17 am
I lost my son on 05/11/11 at 22 wks pregnant. My husband and I are still dealing with our loss, and now my sister is living in my home as she is in the middle of a messy divorce.
My husband and I want to start trying again in December. We want a baby more than anything and we both think that waiting will increase our chances of this happening again. But, now my sister is living in the nursery that I had panted for my son. It bothers me but I'm not going to throw her out on the street. She isn't currently working as she was a stay at home mom for the last year of her marriage, and she has depression issues and when she gets upset everything is everybody elses fault. I thought that I would still try in December, and just have to fix up the other room in my house and move my sister in there but my husband feels that we can't try again until she is out of the house because her mood swings and flipping out all the time makes my blood pressure shoot up. I'm worried about her, trying to be supportive, but sometimes she seems me as the enemy because I am trying to be a neurtal party between her and her husband because my two necies are still living with him and I'm not the one in the divorce.
Well now I'm realizing that Joe and I may not be able to start trying again with all this happening, and now I can help but think if I will ever have children. I have no idea when my sister will get back on her feet. She's trying to learn to calm herself and not jump down people's throat, and not react so emotionally to everything but she wants it to change over night and it wont. It takes years to get over things sometimes, its different for everyone.
I feel selfish for focusing on my upset over not being able to try for a baby again, and I am heartbroken to think we may never get the chance. I am turning 29 in December and I don't want to wait long but I can't shove my sister out the door either, and I want to help her but she has to help herself first, and I am just so confused on how to feel.
I just cry a lot now. Too much. So I tried to focus on helping my sister, but she says she is going to wait for a position at my company to open instead of getting all these rejections from other places. But she can't even think of moving out until she gets a job. My husband is angry all the time, and he's trying not to be, but he is depressed from losing Joseph, and wants to try again but can help feeling like my sister is stopping us. I am trying to be there for him but I know he still cant shake that feeling. And now my husband's father is being hospitalized.
I... I really wonder how I haven't completely broken down yet.
Mother to Joseph Lovelace Touchet Jr born on 5/11/11 at 22 weeks due to Preeclampsia and HELLP. Born straight into God's arms. Love you my angel.