Always in my thoughts

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

Always in my thoughts

Postby brandi101 » Thu Oct 13, 2011 10:32 am

Its been a little over 2 years since my kayleigh passed away and it still hurts. I think about her everyday. I just wish i could hold her again. The pictures i have just Dont seem to be enough anymore. My daughter and I wrote notes and put them on a balloon and let them go on her birthday. I just wish she was here with us. It does not help any when there are shows that have young mothers who Dont take care of theirkids and the i didnt know i was pregnant and it makes me wonder if this would have happened if i just didnt know i cry alot anymore and i Cant stop crying i Dont think it helps that i just had a hysterectomy 2 weeks ago and ill never have another child. I just want my baby back. Does this get easier?
Wife and mother
angel lou born 11/11/05 healthy and full term
kayleigh michelle stillborn angel 8/31/09 1 pd 6 oz 10 inces long
briedon silas born 7/9/10 healthy induced at 38 weeks heprin baby allergy to lovenox
we all miss our baby girl
brandi101
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Re: Always in my thoughts

Postby kerisue » Thu Oct 13, 2011 12:36 am

My loss is even more recent than yours so I don't know whether it will get easier, but I sense it won't. Losing a child is a loss for the rest of your life, not just right at the time it happens. I know what you mean about the pictures not being enough. I wish I had taken about a thousand more. My mind was in such a panic state at the time that I just didn't think. Thinking of you and baby Kayleigh.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: Always in my thoughts

Postby brandi101 » Thu Oct 13, 2011 12:44 am

I am sorry you are also going through this i wish this on noone its hard to get thru each day your in my prayers as well
Wife and mother
angel lou born 11/11/05 healthy and full term
kayleigh michelle stillborn angel 8/31/09 1 pd 6 oz 10 inces long
briedon silas born 7/9/10 healthy induced at 38 weeks heprin baby allergy to lovenox
we all miss our baby girl
brandi101
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Posts: 158
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2010 08:44 pm
Location: Beckley WV

Re: Always in my thoughts

Postby m » Thu Oct 13, 2011 10:59 pm

I wish I could same something to help you feel better. It's been 1 year and 8 months since we lost our precious little boy. I still have some hard days but I think I finally made it to a place where I have accepted that this horrible thing happened in my life and I know that I am able to deal with it. I still miss him and think about him every day but I don't have that devastated feeling all the time any more. Some close friends who lost their daughter in a car accident 6 months before our loss told us that "you have to let it go." For a long time I thought for sure that I could NEVER, EVER do that, and I can't say for sure that I really have or ever will. But, I do think that you can get to a point where you accept that your baby was here for a short time and is now gone and you have the rest of your life to live. If nothing else can motivate you to move forward in your grief journey, do it for your kids. Part of what you're feeling is probably due to the drastic change in hormones you experience after a hysterectomy. If you don't see an improvement soon, I would encourage you to talk to your doctor about it.
DS 2/5/09 - 2/13/09; severe PE at 28 weeks
DD March 2010; PIH, preterm labor at 36 weeks, 10 days NICU
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Re: Always in my thoughts

Postby sam10 » Fri Oct 14, 2011 08:33 pm

sending you hugs
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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