I feel your pain....I am having anxiety over what would have been my baby boys due date Nov.14th. (I have planned to be off that weekend and day). Your right, it all seems fake still. I keep reminding myself I should be holding my baby...that it really did happen. My son, Robert Aiden Schneider was born Aug.3, at 25wk1d, he lived 3 days. The docs told us that the first 72hrs are crucial, but that after a so called "honeymoon stage" the 72hrs, that if it is going to get worse, that is when it will happen. Our little man fought so hard. He was the smallest in the nicu at 15.5oz, 10.5in. He made it 6hrs after the 72hr mark - died of pulmonary hemmorhage.
What made the experience even worse, is my baby was taken to a pediatric hospital down the road - I got to see him for about a minute before they took him to the other hospital, I touched him only once, got to touch his little hand. I was still in the hospital and granted a pass the next night to go see the baby, it was heartbreaking - and didnt know how i would be able to sit and watch him for weeks in that condition, but i never planned on leaving his side once i was discharged from the hospital. All I wanted to do was be with my baby. My husband got to see him multiple times. The night I got to see him I did not touch him for fear of too many germs, the rn's had to expose him enough.
I was discharged (fought the docs to go home) on 8/5, I was home one hour and developed a fever - infection from c-section - so back to the hospital I went and was admitted again.
My husband left me around 2am, went to see the baby, left at 5am......and at 730 the hospital called to tell us to send the familiy in. He died while my husband was in route to the hospital, he was told over the phone that he didnt make it, then had to call me - those words haunt me....husband crying, "he didn't make it baby"..............I can't get that out of my head, it plays over and over.
Sorry for being so long winded, this is the first time I have been on any websites or joined any forums for this. I wish you and your family peace, and may God help us all get through this.