by julie f (7993 Posts), Sat Jul 17, 2004 09:29 pm
Thank you for thinking of me Ann Marie.
Oh, I don't know how I'm doing. Some days I think I'm doing ok, I'm quite sure that a lot has to do with being pregnant again, I feel like Zach is with us, watching over his new brother or sister. Most days lately, I think I'm pretty numb, it's almost like I'm just floating through life, waiting to hit 32 weeks and I don't want to feel too much happiness or sadness until then. I'm also feeling guilty at times, for being excited about this new life while still mourning Zach. Pretty lonely too I guess, like I can't believe that the world didn't stop, not even for just a second, for my broken heart.
I just can't believe it's been a year already. Often, it seems like it was just yesterday but sometimes, it feels like it was a lifetime ago. A year ago, I was in the hospital telling my husband not to worry because I was going to stay put until I hit 32 weeks, then 36 and then we'd get to meet our baby. A year ago, I didn't really know what preeclampsia meant... Crazy how our lives change in an instant.
Zach was the most precious gift I've ever been given. I never knew how much love a heart could hold until I held him, I never just how much a heart could break until his spirit flew to heaven. I am so grateful for his life and so thankful for those five precious days.
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe
Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!
Southern California Coordinator