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After 8 years, I thought it would be easier...

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After 8 years, I thought it would be easier...

Postby calliesmom » Fri Nov 04, 2011 07:19 pm

by calliesmom (22 Posts), Fri Nov 04, 2011 07:19 pm

Eight years ago today I lost my daughter, Callie, to severe PE and HELLP. In order to save me, they delivered her. Many days I wish they had just let me go and just saved her. At least my son wouldn't be an only child, and I feel that I've turned into a bitter person as a result of my experience. I know I should feel grateful for my son (who was a preemie, now 13 and bigger than me- PE and HELLP then too) and my loving husband, and I do, but I can't let go of the "what could have beens." Missing her more and more each day. Thanks for the vent.
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Re: After 8 years, I thought it would be easier...

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Fri Nov 04, 2011 09:35 pm

by holly3372@msn.com (478 Posts), Fri Nov 04, 2011 09:35 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. It has only been a little over a year ago that we lost our only baby Ben. It never goes away I think of him everyday. i am so sorry you have to know this pain. Thinking of you and your baby girl. xo
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013
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Re: After 8 years, I thought it would be easier...

Postby kerisue » Sat Nov 05, 2011 11:32 pm

by kerisue (623 Posts), Sat Nov 05, 2011 11:32 pm

I'm so sorry about Callie. She should be with you. I bet you wonder what she would be like at 8 years old now. I remember begging the doctors not to deliver me- I wanted the same thing you did, to save her and let me go. Keeping you in my thoughts.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: After 8 years, I thought it would be easier...

Postby Jessica8872 » Sun Nov 06, 2011 10:58 pm

by Jessica8872 (6 Posts), Sun Nov 06, 2011 10:58 pm

Losing your baby is never any easy event. Just 3 weeks ago I lost my little boy at 22 weeks due to severe PE and HELLP. I have good days and bad days...on my bad days, I do wish it were me instead of him. But I look back at what I went through, and something, I'm not sure what it was, but something inside me insisted I fight and I live. And here I am today... So I know I must go on and live my life the best that I can. I decided I want to try again in the future for a baby, and I will fight again. I will not let this disease or my grief conquer me. I'm stronger than that, and so is every woman who is here on this forum. Nobody wants to be here, by all means, but we are here, and we are stronger because we have each other here for support. You're a fighter, just like the rest of us, and you've had 8 more years of your life because of your strength. It will never be easy for any of us who've lost a baby, but know you have support. I joined a support group last week and found it was helpful to share my story and talk with other moms and dads who were going through the same grief. I hope you continue to be strong and remember your baby with love everyday. And give your son a big hug and kiss today (even though at 13 he may resist, give him a big one)!

xoxo
Jessica (26) married to Chris (28)
Christopher Lee - Oct. 12, 2011 stillborn at 22w due to severe PE and HELLP
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