I first wanted to say how thankful I am that I found this website. It has definately helped me keep my sanity. The knowledge and support everyone gives to one another is invaluable. I have been posting here and there, but finally feel ready to formally introduce myself. It always seems like night time is the hardest and when I'm missing my sweet Samantha so much.
My husband and I have been trying to start a family for two years. We had a miscarriage in January 2010 and then again in September 2010. There did not appear to be a connection between the two miscarriages. I also ended up with Asherman's Syndrome following the d & c from the second miscarriage. Thankfully, I found an amazing doctor that treated me for the Asherman's in March 2011 and he gave us the go ahead to start trying last July. I have never had an issue getting pregnant and we actually got pregnant on our first try. We were both very excited and nervous as we never made it past 8 weeks. Everything was looking great on the ultrasound and the baby was actually measuring a week earlier. Pregnancy wise I felt good and on our 18 week ultrasound we found out we were having a girl. I started having swelling in my feet and ankles, but my ob kept telling me it was normal pregnancy and was not concerned about it. At the beginning of December I found out I had gestational diabetes and was able to control it with diet. My doctor had me go for an ultrasound at 28 weeks just to make sure everything was okay and the ultrasound showed that she was measuring small. I feel like everything just went down hill from there.
On Saturday, January 7th, I started having pains in my chest and I even had vomitted. I chalked it up to just being the flu and noticed the pain in my chest felt better when I laid down. The next day I still had the pains in my chest and it hurt when I was breathing. My mother became concerned and had me call the oncall doctor. I spoke with the oncall doctor and we went over my symptoms and she told me it sounded like heartburn and to take tums or Zantac. The next day I had called out sick from work, but was feeling better just really tired. On Tuesday I had call out sick from work again because I had woken up at 1:30 am with bad pains again and vomitting again. I was up from 1:30 to 5:30 and finally went on the couch to try and fall asleep. I ended up calling my ob and explaing the symptoms I had been experiencing over the weekend. She had me go to L & D at the hospital. When I got to the hospital the same doctor I had spoken with over the weekend was there and she said they were going to run some labs and talked about my symptoms possibly being related to my gall bladder. When she finally came back with the results of my labs she had told me I had severe preeclampsia and that I would be delivering my baby within 48 hours if not sooner. She also said she was very suprised because the symptoms I explained to her over the phone did not sound like preeclampsia to her, especially because I said I felt better when I laid down. They gave me a steriod shot to mature the baby's lungs and I was transferred to a higher level of care hospital.
At the new hospital they did a 24 hour urine and found I was spilling protein. They also had me on magnesium to prevent seazures. The plan was to get me to 24 hours so they could give me the second steroid shot for lung maturity. They were able to stablize my levels and I was able to get the second steroid shot. I delivered my daughter on 1/12/12 in the afternoon. Samantha Grace was born 2lbs 2 oz. She was able to breath on her own and even scored high on the apgar. All the doctors were impressed with how well she was doing, but they warned us of the possible complications that could happen because she was so small. They specifially warned us of NEC and told us the next two weeks were going to be critical. I was discharged from the hospital and was given bp meds since my bp was started to go up.
The first week of Samantha's life she was doing great and the doctors continued to be impressed with how well she was doing. They called her a little rock star. On the 19th during our visit with her the nurse had informed us of her apnea increasing and their concern about the puffiness of her belly and that they were going to be giving her another ultrsound to check everything. That night when we came home we got a call sometime around 2:00 am and was told she had a perforation in her intestine and that she had developed NEC and was being sent to a children's hospital for surgery. Later that afternoon I had spoke with the doctor who did the surgery and was told they expected her to make a full recovery. Samantha spent the next week recovering and was doing okay, but we were always reminded of how "very sick" she was. On January 25th we were told on a routine brain scan that they had found something, we were even told it was possible she had cerebral palsy. The next night they sent her down for an MRI and we had a meeting the next day to go over the results. January 27th became one of the worst days of my life. We were told that because Samantha had such low blood preassure following her surgery she had lost oxygen to her brain and was brain dead on both sides. We were told that she would have to be on a ventilator for the frest of her life and would have no quality of life. My husband and I made the hardest decision and decided to defer her care. There was no way I could let my baby live that kind of life. On January 28th My husband and I along with our parents and his brother and sister in law had Samantha baptised and then she was taken off everything. My husband, mother, and I took turns holding Samantha and rocking her. It was torture as the hours went by and she kept breathing. She was such a fighter and lasted until 3:00 am on Sunday January 29th. I had fallen alseep holding Samantha in my arms rocking her and when I woke up I could not see her breathing and she felt cold. I had my husband get the nurse and she confirmed her passing.
Samantha was so beautiful and she was our little rock star. I get so mad and angry that this has all happened and this has become my life. Everyday I wake up and go on with my day but feel like I am living a complete nightmare. She should be here with us, it's just so unfair. I have my good days and my bad days, but every day I just miss her so much and wish I could be holding her in my arms. My husband and I so badly want to have a baby and I feel so hopeless and defeated sometimes and feel like my body has failed us for the third time. I am not ready to give up trying to have a baby, but I am petrified of having to go through this all over again and lose another child. We recently saw a MFM about a future pregnancy and was told we had to wait until the fall ttc. I'm hoping there is a light and a rainbow at the end of this very very dark tunnel. REading stories of successful pregnancies after severe pe and Hellp give me such hope for our next time around and that my empty arms can be filled with another baby. Thank you for reading my story.
Samantha Grace born 1/12/12 @ 30 + 3, 2lbs 2oz, severe PE with HELLP, IUGR
lived 17 days and passed due to complications after surgery because of NEC