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1st birthday

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1st birthday

Postby sjs40 » Wed Jul 21, 2004 10:09 am

by sjs40 (288 Posts), Wed Jul 21, 2004 10:09 am

It's coming up to Ellie's birthday on 24 July and I find that Im feeling quite numb now we have got to the days leading up to her arrival at 27wks. I have tearful moments but I am basically numb.

I was admitted on 21 July last year having been to register with a new Dr. My bp was 185/125 and protein almost 4+ so I was sent straight into hospital. I had my birthday there, complete with steroid injections, then on 24 July I had a scan and they said they would deliver by lunchtime. It all happened so quickly, and I felt fine. It seemed so odd that things had gone so wrong. I was also on lots of drugs to keep my bp down, and was keeping a close eye on my gd. Today I keep thinking back to that day I was admitted.

Tomorrow is my birthday, I was 40 last year....somehow birthdays will never be the same again, especially the 'big' ones.

Ellie actually cried when she was born by c-section, and I was so pleased to hear her. Her Apgars were great, 9 and 10, even though she was only 1lb 4oz. Ellie had Down syndrome too, so it made her extra special. She never had a ventilator, only cpap on and off to give her a rest. We were so proud of her. It was a total shock to get a phone call on 18 Aug to say she was not well.....we lost her 2 days later due to NEC.

Im not sure where Im going with this post. I miss Ellie so much. The memories are flooding back, not that I will ever forget a moment of our time with her. I think it is the actual days that are causing this feeling right now...at this time last year...etc.

Sorry for rambling


Sue (40)
Chris (37)
DD Eleanor Susan (Ellie)
born at 27wks severe PE
24 July 03 - 20 August 03
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Re : 1st birthday

Postby angelkat » Wed Jul 21, 2004 10:41 am

by angelkat (3423 Posts), Wed Jul 21, 2004 10:41 am

Sue...

My thoughts and prayers are with you for comfort and strenght. Sending you HUGE HUGS...

Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
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Ky (11)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey Looking at Aug
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Re : 1st birthday

Postby suetorr » Wed Jul 21, 2004 11:10 am

by suetorr (29 Posts), Wed Jul 21, 2004 11:10 am

Sue,

It is ok that you ramble, that is why I love these forums we can talk to other women who understand what we are going through or what we went through. You can talk all you want about your little Ellie. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Susie (23)
Bianca 9/28/02 3LBS 2 OZS PE,IUGR 33wks
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Re : 1st birthday

Postby for faith » Wed Jul 21, 2004 11:11 am

by for faith (1749 Posts), Wed Jul 21, 2004 11:11 am

Oh Sue ~ I am sending all the peace I possibly could at this difficult time. HUGS. We have such similar stories. I will be saying lots of prayers for you over the next days that Ellie gives you some peace.

Take care, please let us know how you are doing.

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH)
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(preemie complications))

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 9/02
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Re : 1st birthday

Postby julie f » Wed Jul 21, 2004 04:12 pm

by julie f (7993 Posts), Wed Jul 21, 2004 04:12 pm

Sue,

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers this week. Zach's birthday is tomorrow and I can absolutely relate to your feelings of numbness. I have broken down a couple of times but for the most part, I just feel numb, like I'm just watching life go by right now...

I don't know how to make it any easier, I wish I could. Just know that I will keep you close at heart.

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!

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Re : 1st birthday

Postby kimb » Wed Jul 21, 2004 08:13 pm

by kimb (140 Posts), Wed Jul 21, 2004 08:13 pm

My thoughts are with you through this tough time. It is hard to keep those memories from playing in our heads. For me, not being able to say "this time last year I was pregnant" has helped as Will's bday passed earlier this month.

Our own birthdays are hard as well, but my husband always tells me how happy he is that I am still here with him to have a birthday to celebrate.

Take good care of yourself and know that we are here at any time.

Kim 35
William Michael - my angel - pe/HELLP 7/7/03
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Re : 1st birthday

Postby tinalowe » Wed Jul 21, 2004 10:53 pm

by tinalowe (288 Posts), Wed Jul 21, 2004 10:53 pm

Sue,

My thought and prayers are with you and DH.

Tina 23
DH Dereck 26

Emma Victoria stillborn 12-28-03
ttc#2

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Re : 1st birthday

Postby heatherbbb » Sat Jul 24, 2004 03:42 pm

by heatherbbb (603 Posts), Sat Jul 24, 2004 03:42 pm

Sue,
I feel for you so much because I remember my own heartbreak at losing my son. I was just thinking today that my son's birthday (Seth) is coming up in 5 weeks. I'm not sure how I'll do. I'm thinking I might take that day off from work. Seth was born 1 day shy of 27 weeks. He went through the roller-coaster of the NICU, barely surviving severe pnemonias, two staff infections, double hernia surgery, and multiple respiratory infections. In his 5-1/2 month life, he never made it off of the ventilator for more than a few days. He died in February (the night before Valentine's Day) from Chronic Lung Disease. I know that Valentine's Day will never be the same for me.

I remember in his 2nd month getting a call at 11 p.m. from the NICU telling me Seth had pnemonia and wasn't responding to the ventilator. When we arrived at the hospital, the Docotor told us that Seth wouldn't live till the morning. We sat with him all night while his blood pressure and blood oxygen levels were unbelievable low. He pulled through for us that night and lived another 3 months. I was always scared to answer the phone after that, especially at night. It's hard to believe how much one phone call can change your life!

Sue, I just wish there was something I could say to comfort you, but words seem to come up short. I am so sorry you got preeclampsia and lost your precious little girl to NEC. I do believe we can draw strength from others who have had similar experiences, because we understand better and more fully than anyone else. I hope you got through today okay and will do even better in the weeks to come.

Heather

Mother of Seth Russell, delivered 26 weeks due to PE 9/3/03-2/13/04
http://members.cox.net/heatherbbb/seth/seth.htm
Due with baby # 2 Feb 1, 2005
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Re : 1st birthday

Postby josiah1112 » Sat Jul 24, 2004 03:55 pm

by josiah1112 (1368 Posts), Sat Jul 24, 2004 03:55 pm

Wishing you a peaceful day today, Sue.
Thinking of you.

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e
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Re : 1st birthday

Postby julie f » Sat Jul 24, 2004 06:29 pm

by julie f (7993 Posts), Sat Jul 24, 2004 06:29 pm

Sending you prayers of peace and comfort today.

Much love,

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!

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