One of the other hardest parts of losing my baby girl is that I am so alone in this. I have no family here, they are in the next state over. I have friends and co workers but I don't have family or that intimate partner to help me through this. Soleil's dad is willing to talk to me and support me, but it is just not the same as having someone to come home to. I went home over the summer and stayed with my family for over a month. It was so nice to have that human contact and friends there that I have been close with since grade school. Now Im starting to cry as I write this. When I came back to town after visiting my family, I just cried and cried because I was so alone again. I tied to make efforts to go out with my friends and then I started back to work.
Then I met a new guy and I was super excited. It was so new and I got excited to quickly. Everything was nice, conversation good and all we did was kiss. Finally I thought, after all my horrible relationships lately. Well a week goes by, no phone calls, nothing. I don't get it and now Im just a wreck thinking I shouldn't even date right now, I need to take care of myself....but I am so sick of taking care of myself, I want someone close there to comfort me. It is to hard right now to do all this mourning by myself
Now it has me thinking, when is the right time to date again, when I am going to be strong enough to handle the let downs, because I don't think I can handle any more let downs. It just feels like such a loose loose situation. All it did was remind me of how alone I am in all of this and how stupid I was for thinking of getting involved with someone. I don't know anymore.