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How to cope?

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How to cope?

Postby afaiz » Sun Sep 23, 2012 12:01 am

by afaiz (41 Posts), Sun Sep 23, 2012 12:01 am

Hello all,

I was just wondering if anyone had any good ideas on how they coped with normal life after hellp & losing a baby... I developed severe hellp & eclampsia in jan and recently have been having such a hard time dealing with the loss I miss my baby so much I cant imagine how I will ever move forward.... I wanted to be a mother my whole life & now I just feel so lost & overwhelmed. It's been 8 months! I Remeber I would think by now I would be pregnant... But no such luck... But everyone else around me is...:-( all of my Friebds are pregnant or have babies. It's just like a emotional roller coaster when I hear of someone else being pregnant. And now it seems so many ppl are announcing their pregnancys with there seconds?? How did you all cope with this? What can I do? I don't want it to hurt this bad :-(

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Re: How to cope?

Postby princess purr » Sun Sep 23, 2012 04:10 pm

by princess purr (1092 Posts), Sun Sep 23, 2012 04:10 pm

Time really was the only thing that helped me.. the first year is a the worst, and then it started to get better. Let yourself feel sad, talk to people about your baby, don't force yourself to go to baby showers or be around your pregnant friends. I'm sure you are happy for them, but for me it just hurt bad. I still have a hard time being around my cousin and her son, he was born about a week after my daughter and will be turning 8 this year. It does get better, but it is still new for you., give yourself time to heal (((HUGS)))
Val (34) & Carlos (32)
Married: April 29th 2011
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks (1 lb 4oz, 14 inches) because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)
Nicholas Robert, 11/22/2013 7 lb 7oz 19.5 inches, born at 36 weeks (due to previous classical c-section) PE FREE!!!!!!
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Re: How to cope?

Postby bsherricca » Sun Sep 23, 2012 05:42 pm

by bsherricca (45 Posts), Sun Sep 23, 2012 05:42 pm

i know how you feel as am going through something similar ...have a few friends who were pregnant while i was and they have since gone on to have their babies isvery rough and i sometimes wonder how i will make it through the day esp when they send a picture of their new born or want to share some tid bit ...i have learnt it is ok to just take time for myself if it hurts i step away, talk to another friend, read my bible or just do whatever makes me comfortable .....
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Re: How to cope?

Postby sam10 » Sun Sep 23, 2012 08:04 pm

by sam10 (1443 Posts), Sun Sep 23, 2012 08:04 pm

I am so sorry you lost your precious baby! It is one of the worst experiences, a parent's nightmare. I don't think I will really "get over it" that I lost my little Henry. It just gets easier over time, especially after the one year anniversary. The sadness and trauma do not occupy my mind and feelings all day long every day anymore, but I have my moments where it just feels as sad as it were yesterday.
Allow yourself to grieve and your emotions to run its course, expect your sadness to return once in a while, especially if everybody around you is pregnant and/or is having babies and you are not.
I have been seeing a therapist after Henry's death and it has helped me to find my footing in my life again. I also have connected and made friends with other parents who have lost babies and it helps to talk to them about how we are doing.
We are here, so feel free to post and share and commiserate. Sending you hugs
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE

Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles
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