9 years and seems like yesterday

[calliesmom]

Yesterday was 9 years since I lost my little Callie Anne. She was delivered at 24 weeks because I was dying from HELLP and preeclampsia. I was left alone to deliver her because the hospital did not agree with the delivery (Catholic hospital). I got to hold my precious baby a few moments after they took her.

As I went into the grocery store yesterday, I heard a mom call out to her daughter (about 9 years old) and say, "Callie, get back here!" A horrible coincidence that broke my heart even more. Worst part is that no one will talk about it, including my husband, as if NOT talking about it makes it any easier. I think of her every single day. There is no "moving on" from this pain.

Many days I wish I had taken her place. Preeclampsia is a horrible disease. We can only pray they find a cure.

[kerisue]

It's been two years for me, but like you I think of my baby every day and I don't think that will change- 2 yrs., 9 yrs., 20 yrs.... same as every parent who was lucky enough to keep their child earth side and in their lives; they think of their children daily, why shouldn't we?

Like you, I want to talk about my daughter and the experience. Even though their lives were very, very short they had made a major impact. I wish you were able to get the support you need from your hubby around this, but different people handle the grief in different ways I guess. You always have us.

I light candles for prevention and/or a cure to preeclampsia all the time. It's taken so many precious babies. My ONLY baby as it turned out. So many mamas too. Like you I would have gladly traded places with Millie. In fact I remember begging the docs to let me go and save her. They forced me to deliver when I did not want to (I realize now that we both would have died had they not forced me). Was it the opposite for you? They didn't want you to deliver?

I haven't seen any other kiddos with Millie's name, but I do see plenty of other 2 year olds and not all of them getting tender loving care. It is difficult, I agree.

[kerisue]

I lit a virtual candle for Callie. It will be "lit" for 48 hrs. from now.

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/mes ... d=17215360

[holly3372@msn.com]

It has been 2 years for us as well. I agree that it never goes away, you just learn to live with it. I am also sorry you cannot talk to your husband about it, that must be very hard. Like kerisue said everyone handle grief so different.

I think of Benjamin everyday and have heard other perents call out his name too, this takes my breath away. I will be thinking of you and Callie and I always think of Millie. They will always be loved and never forgotten. xo

[bsherricca]

its only been a few months for me but i know your pain as i was also left alone to deliver my sleeping baby ...its not easy to go through it seems quite unreal and compounds an already painful situation .... i know from experience that some days are better than others and i hope u have all the support you need to get you through the rough ones ...sending virtual hugs and a prayer that you have comfort ....

[rosemary]

Thinking of you and your precious daughter. Wishing you peace and healing.

[princess purr]

It will be 8 years for me in a few weeks, and every year it seems like something happens to just twist the knife in my heart on that day. Our little angles are always watching over us though