10 months today

[afaiz]

Hi ladies,

Today marks 10 months since we lost out daughter. Things are so much better but the pain I feel is the same. I miss her so much and what her life would have been. I look at all the clothes I bought for her and all the ideas I had for her room. I had an early ultrasound in November around 16-17 weeks and was told I was having a boy! When I went to get my first growth scan we were shocked to find out we were having a girl!! I was so so excited and just couldn't stop myself from buying the cute dresses, bows etc.. I now look at those things and imagine how my life would have been without all these tears... I sometimes feel that the pain will never stop.

We are ttc again and feel defeated every month I don't get pregnant... So it's like an emotional roller coaster I am pretty sad with the holidays coming up & wishing that she was here and that I could change what happened. I would have rather given my life for her.

I have always gone home for thanksgiving but this will be the first year we will stay here and spend thanksgiving with my husbands family ( I'm not looking forward to it) but no I am going to be ovulating around thar time and I can't miss it by being at my parents house. Last 2 times I ovulated I was at my parents house and it is just not very comfortable... Lol

How are you ladies getting through the holidays? How do you deal with trying again and not getting a positive right away? I know we have only been trying for 3 months but it seems like just forever wanting to have a baby in my arms

[holly3372@msn.com]

Hi . First I am so sorry for the terrible loss of your baby girl. Losing your baby is by far the worst thing that could happen . We lost our only baby 2 years ago now. Sadly he lived for 4 months in the Nicu before he died so it has been a long road of healing for us. What helped me most was being honest about my feelings and reaching out to others who had also lost. These people truly understood and I didn't feel so alone. My husband and I were also very respectful of eachothers feelings and actions. Everyone does grieve very differently, especially men and women. I think by not judging eachother , it actually brought us even closer then before we had our son.

I remember the first holidays after we lost him. We were very heartbroken and so wanted to have him with us. We also were talikng about trying again. We broke tradition that year as well. I have a big family with lots of children in it . My famly was very supportive of our decision to not celebrate that year. They were sad but they understood. We chose to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas quietly at home together that year. If you are trying again now and have chosen to stay home and be together then I think it's great you are honoring your feelings and needs.

Trying again wasn't easy as each month that went by without a positive test was also heartbreaking. We finally decided to go ahead and become foster parents, with the possibilty of adopting in the future. Well, sure enough right after we had started fostering I found out I was pregnant! I am now 40 years old and Friday I will be 30 weeks! I have never gotten this far and yes I am scared and I know anything can happen but I choose to take it one day at a time and be happy for each day that has passed.

It is not easy losing your baby , trying again and then being pregnant again thats for sure. I am very hopeful though that I may take this baby home and that keeps me going. Reach out to people that will support you through this time. Hang in there, you are not alone. Sending love to you .

[kerisue]

The first Thanksgiving was very difficult for me as well. It was the first time in years that I did not gather with my huge extended family. I knew there was going to be a baby there about the same age as mine would have been and I couldn't take that, nevermind the crowd. My baby was due in September so I had been thinking that the Thanksgiving celebration would be my first chance to "show her off" to some of the extended family. The fact that the situation was very, very different come Thanksgiving was not lost on me! I still have a big pang of pain/loss at the holidays, but just get through them the best I can. I find it helpful to go to a memorial service (my grief group offers one, as does the hospital we were at, as does the cemetary where she is buried) and to decorate her gravesite. I also donate a gift for a needy child who is the age that baby would be now. All of those things help a bit.

Life you I was thrilled when I found out I was having a girl and I immediately went out and bought all the darling cute outfits I could. 2+ years later I haven't been able to part with them yet and they're just stored away in a closet. I tried to conceive for a long time and haven't been successful (stopped actively trying now) so I totally understand what you're going through. Every negative would send me into a depression- which was certainly not helped by the fertility drugs. I wish you good luck and hope your positive comes soon!