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Baby Blues

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

Baby Blues

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Sun Jan 13, 2013 08:33 am

by holly3372@msn.com (478 Posts), Sun Jan 13, 2013 08:33 am

Well I am 2 days away from my csection . I am upstairs putting her clothes away in her closet. My husband is downstairs like a madman with the vacum and our family is on the way over to help clean ,organize and make us lunch. A good day and I know how lucky I am for all of these things but this morning I cannot shake the blues and the tears. I miss my son terribly he would be 3 this April. I am mixed with emotions and so wish he was here with all of us. I feel overwhelmed with grief all over again and wonder how I will feel when she is born. I am nervous. I just needed to post this to people who would understand . Thank you all for reading and for your continous support .
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013
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Re: Baby Blues

Postby MomTimesThree » Sun Jan 13, 2013 05:23 pm

by MomTimesThree (571 Posts), Sun Jan 13, 2013 05:23 pm

Being a mom of two, one in your heart, and one before you know it in your arms is such a mix of emotions. I remember too as it got closer to our second being born feeling like mixed nuts... mostly just nuts. :) I remember feeling so scared that I wouldn't have room in my heart for a new lil' one and fears that our first would be forgotten. Those fears were unfounded... neither has happened and I've grown to realize it's impossible because while parenting the child in your heart and memory is different than the ones you have here... it's still parenting. And just like a "normal" family where things get more complex when there are two, so does the angel momma family get more complex... just in different ways.

One day at a time. :)
Lauren
2008-Our Baby Girl, PTL born too early at 30w6d, Fought so hard... Forever Loved & Missed
2010- Lil' Bro, Pre-E at 29 weeks... Induced at 36w6d, Born 37w
2012- Lil' Sis, Super-imposed pre-e at 25 weeks, PTL & GD at 35 weeks, Evicted 36w
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Re: Baby Blues

Postby kerisue » Mon Jan 14, 2013 11:23 am

by kerisue (623 Posts), Mon Jan 14, 2013 11:23 am

Unfortunately I haven't been able to have another, but I imagine if I did I would be feeling the same way. I've heard others on this forum who have had a child after a loss express similar feelings. You're feeling all the joy and anticipation of this baby, but it kind of brings to the forefront again your thoughts and feelings and grief about Benjamin. He should be here to greet his new baby sister and this little girl- as wonderful and precious as she will be- won't replace him.

I hope all goes as it should tomorrow!
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: Baby Blues

Postby Shannonlynn » Mon Jan 14, 2013 02:11 pm

by Shannonlynn (102 Posts), Mon Jan 14, 2013 02:11 pm

Holly, this same sort of sadness happened to me starting at about 35 weeks. I cried a lot and spent time thinking about the loss of my Fritzy. I think it's normal to feel like you do. I think when you see your little girl for the first time it will wash some of the sadness away. And you may see your son in his sister's face. We see Fritzy in Gavin all the time. Here's to a blessed delivery!! Hugs
Shannonlynn-mommy to Frederick Otto "Fritzy"
born May 6, 2011, became an angel one hour later
Severe PE at 24 weeks to the day
Gavin Walden born 8-4-12,lovenox, folgard, lda, prenatals. PE and HELLP free.
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Re: Baby Blues

Postby sam10 » Wed Jan 23, 2013 06:39 pm

by sam10 (1437 Posts), Wed Jan 23, 2013 06:39 pm

A new baby after a loss can bring back many emotions and the longing for the baby who passed can be quite intense. I found myself being pulled back to those early days of grief. I had moments where I was suddenly confused over time and space, especially as our daughter just looked exactly the same as Henry.
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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Re: Baby Blues

Postby kbunsey » Fri Feb 01, 2013 10:43 pm

by kbunsey (895 Posts), Fri Feb 01, 2013 10:43 pm

It *is* really a challenging place to be after losing a baby. Know that your feelings and emotions are normal. Kyle reminded me of the first one every single day (both of my children still do). I remember feeling all mixed up - happy, sad, scared, overhwlemed, guilty. It can be so confusing. I had a really helpful doctor once who gave me an emotional comfort u/s when my doc was out-of-town during Kyle's pregnancy (I was pretty hysterical thinking Kyle died/PTSD) and she said, "Everything you are feeling is normal for you to feel after having gone through what you went through." It is hard not to feel completely insane, but know that you are not.

I don't mean to get ahead or add extra worry to your emotional pallette, but after your baby comes - please keep an eye on yourself (and have your family and friends keep close care of you) because post partum depression can be severe in mommies who have lost babies. Mine was and some professionals have told me that is common. Just be gentle with yourself. Pregnancy hormones on their own are insense, so take extra care.

Wishing you well for your delivery and recovery!
Katie, married to Doug. Mom to Fiona Elizabeth, stillborn June 21, 2008 @ 26w; Severe Preeclampsia. Loved. Kyle James, born October 29, 2009 @ 39w; Healthy and PE Free!!! Josephine, born Nov.17, 2011 @ 39w; PE free again. Woot!
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