2 years later

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
laney_p
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Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2011 2:39 pm

Re: 2 years later

Postby laney_p » Thu Oct 09, 2014 02:58 pm

Hey BBC,

I am so sorry no one responded more quickly to your post about your loss! I've reached out to the moderators to let them know and to hop on here to chat.

You are definitely not alone in that feeling. All of us who have experienced an infant or pregnancy loss know that aching hole inside your heart. It sits there, and though you may not feel it as deeply as you do at first, you know that it's there. There's this great post in the Writing Heals section (viewtopic.php?f=101&t=41702) with a poem about how losing a child is like wearing an uncomfortable pair of shoes, that you can't take off and that no one really wants to talk to you about, but you always feel it there. (The poem conveys this much better than I am doing right now!)

Trying again is the hardest and bravest thing that a woman who has suffered a loss can ever do. There's no comfort, there's no celebration in it, like there was the first time, because you have those lingering "what ifs" always in your head. As midwestmom mentioned, consulting with an MFM might give you some comfort, as well as reading through the stories on the forum. There ARE a lot of women who went on to have successful second pregnancies (and are happily busy living their lives, which is likely why they haven't responded like they did back in day!)

I am so glad you have a good partner as well to help you in this journey! If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to message me directly.

Best wishes,
Laney
Director of Community Relations for the Preeclampsia Foundation
*does not provide any medical advice*
for more information, please visit www.preeclampsia.org

La Directora de las Relaciones con la Comunidad
*no ofrece consejo médico*
Se habla español
Para mas información, por favor visite: www.preeclampsia.org/es

Rubbie78
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Posts: 23
Joined: Mon Nov 12, 2012 7:14 am

Re: 2 years later

Postby Rubbie78 » Wed Oct 08, 2014 06:33 pm

Hi BBC

So sorry no one has replied. Honestly, I have noticed this community has not been as active as it was in 2012 and 2013. I just experienced two years also. I remember your username, so sorry it was not for better reasons though :-(

Our son was born still at 28w due to HELLP syndrome and liver rupture on Sept 22, 2012. I so wish your son was here just like I wish ours was too.

Two years is NOT a long time. please feel free to send me a message if you would like someone to chat with, especially with our angelversaries being so close and in the same month.

How are you doing physically and health wise? Congratulations on your new love, it is great to experience love and happiness even during grief. He sounds very supportive and I'm glad he keeps you smiling.

Rubbie
Rubbie (36)
Mother to Elijah born still 09/22/2012 at 28 weeks. HELLP sydrome, liver rupture. Missing him every second...
Miscarriage mo/di twins at 8 weeks 02/2014
Malachi born healthy 01/15/2015 at 33 weeks 4 days, 5lbs 1oz. No signs of HELLP or preeclampsia! Early delivery due to Complete Placenta Previa and bleeding

midwestmom
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Posts: 74
Joined: Thu May 17, 2012 11:28 pm

Re: 2 years later

Postby midwestmom » Wed Oct 01, 2014 03:38 am

Hi BBC,
I'm so sorry about the loss of your son. There is no pain that is comparable, it makes total sense to me that 2 years after his death you still mourn him. I have not lost a child, so I don't know that kind of deep, unending pain. I have experienced the shock and pain of developing preeclampsia early (29 wks) and delivering early (29wks) and not knowing why or what to do to make it better. I can relate to the utter fear of getting pregnant again, and the deep desire to have more children. I, myself, had my son at 34, and bc of preeclampsia and a health scare that my husband went through, didn't try to conceive again until 4 years later. I am currently 23 weeks pregnant (39 y/o) and taking another shot at pregnancy.

I don't want you to think I am comparing my experience with yours, but when I read your post, I related to having gone through a lot of the same emotions you are working through now. It's great that you've found a good partner and are thinking of getting pregnant again. For what it's worth, I found preconception consultations with my MFM to be extremely helpful, bc they helped me take a real look at what I was dealing with (risk of recurrence, etc). Hearing his clinical assessment helped me to get out of my own head a little and look at the scientifically supported odds verses the intense fear I was feeling that was so blocking for me. I don't know if you've done that yet, but I needed that information in order to move forward. Also, reading over the stories on this forum of people who have tried again helped.

I hope this helps a little, preeclampsia is miserable, no matter how you look at it. I'm sorry that you're still in so much pain, please keep us posted on where you are in the whole decision making process. I know for me it was not an easy one.
XOXO Lauren
Lauren
Son born by emergency C-section due to severe preeclampsia in August 2009. Born 29wks2days weighing 3lbs, he is a healthy toddler now.

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BBC
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Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2012 4:01 pm

Re: 2 years later

Postby BBC » Tue Sep 30, 2014 01:59 am

Guess it's just me. Everyone on this site is emotionally healthy after the death of their child 2 years later? Bravo (emoji hands clapping)
BBC (31)
Mommy to Ricky
Stillborn 3.13.12 @ 34+4 wks due to Severe Pre-E. 5 lb & 1 oz. Always loved and missed.
MC at 9 weeks May 2011

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BBC
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Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2012 4:01 pm

Re: 2 years later

Postby BBC » Tue Sep 30, 2014 01:57 am

Wow, 40 views and no replies?
BBC (31)
Mommy to Ricky
Stillborn 3.13.12 @ 34+4 wks due to Severe Pre-E. 5 lb & 1 oz. Always loved and missed.
MC at 9 weeks May 2011

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BBC
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Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2012 4:01 pm

2 years later

Postby BBC » Thu Sep 18, 2014 08:09 pm

Hi everyone. It's been just over 2 years since my son was stillborn at 35 weeks due to preeclampsia. Emotionally, his loss was devastating to me. My unhappy relationship with his father has ended, I got a promotion at work, and fell in love with one of the best men in the world. I'm not sure how all of these events transpired in the past two years, because all I really know is how much I miss my son. Every day. Is there anyone else out there in my situation? I feel like I'm holding it together pretty well, and my promotion at work and lovely new partner confirm I'm not a complete disaster. And I have lots of good days, and have had many good times in this past year. But even today I'm as upset over my son as I was two years ago. The idea of trying again terrifies me, and I'm also terrified I'll never have another child. My partner and I aren't looking to try for at least another year. I'll be 34 next month. All of these feelings stew inside my head every day, and I'm exhausted from it.

Any advice from someone who's been where I am now?
BBC (31)
Mommy to Ricky
Stillborn 3.13.12 @ 34+4 wks due to Severe Pre-E. 5 lb & 1 oz. Always loved and missed.
MC at 9 weeks May 2011


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