Oh Liz, I am just so sorry and wish I could reach through and give you a hug.
I can relate to so much of what you have said, I have been there and in some ways I feel like I will always be there.
I had a very hard time with pregnant women. Put me in a room with a "normal," no-risk pregnant woman and I thouht I would climb the walls. Right or wrong, I always assumed that they didn't know lucky they were, they couldn't possibly appreciate that life inside them like I now could, and, how dare they complain about their pregnancies... I used to avoid pregnant women at all costs. Even still, I have a hard time talking about my pregnancy with someone who hasn't experienced preeclampsia.
I also had a very difficult time being away from my husband. I wanted no one but him, no family, no friends, I just wanted to be as close to him as I could get. When he went back to work, there were days when I would literally stay in bed the whole time he was gone...
I am so sorry about the pain you're experiencing with the milk, it's horribly cruel to have to endure that after losing your baby. One thing that helped me was to put ice packs on my chest while I was in bed.
Please do whatever you can to take care of yourself and Ethan right now. I spent far too much time worrying about what others' thought, needed, expected, etc. after Zach died and looking back, I would ignore it all...
Liz, again I am just so sorry. I pray for peace and comfort for you and Ethan. Please email me anytime, firstname.lastname@example.org
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe
Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!
Southern California Coordinator