Just saying hi....

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
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Re : Just saying hi....

Postby hannahsmom » Sat Jul 31, 2004 10:59 am

Liz -

You will be in my prayers. I'm so sorry.

Mommy to Miss Hannah Rose
26.5 weeker born 8/24/01
severe pre-e & IUGR
1 pound, 1 ounce
12 inches
Miracles do happen!

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julie f
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Re : Just saying hi....

Postby julie f » Sat Jul 31, 2004 08:16 am

Oh Liz, I am just so sorry and wish I could reach through and give you a hug.

I can relate to so much of what you have said, I have been there and in some ways I feel like I will always be there.

I had a very hard time with pregnant women. Put me in a room with a "normal," no-risk pregnant woman and I thouht I would climb the walls. Right or wrong, I always assumed that they didn't know lucky they were, they couldn't possibly appreciate that life inside them like I now could, and, how dare they complain about their pregnancies... I used to avoid pregnant women at all costs. Even still, I have a hard time talking about my pregnancy with someone who hasn't experienced preeclampsia.

I also had a very difficult time being away from my husband. I wanted no one but him, no family, no friends, I just wanted to be as close to him as I could get. When he went back to work, there were days when I would literally stay in bed the whole time he was gone...

I am so sorry about the pain you're experiencing with the milk, it's horribly cruel to have to endure that after losing your baby. One thing that helped me was to put ice packs on my chest while I was in bed.

Please do whatever you can to take care of yourself and Ethan right now. I spent far too much time worrying about what others' thought, needed, expected, etc. after Zach died and looking back, I would ignore it all...

Liz, again I am just so sorry. I pray for peace and comfort for you and Ethan. Please email me anytime, pelote77@aol.com

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!

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Re : Just saying hi....

Postby sarab » Sat Jul 31, 2004 07:36 am


Words cannot express the sorrow that I feel for you and Ethan right now. Please know that you are in my prayers, and that I am thinking about you often.

Please let us know if there's anything, anything at all, that we can do for you.


Sara, 24
Local Coordinator, Utah
Moderator, "After Your Baby is Born"

DH, Scott, 26
Maggie Lylas, 6/9/03, 29 weeks, severe pre-e
Surprise, surprise! #2 EDD March 10, 2005


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Re : Just saying hi....

Postby josiah1112 » Sat Jul 31, 2004 06:03 am


I really wish I could give everyone that posts
here their baby back. I know all of the feelings
you describe quite well. Please be gentle on
yourself. Be assertive with people. Sometimes
in their desire to make you feel better they will
throw quick fix responses at you- sometimes these
can be even more painful than how you will feel
with the people who say nothing. Please know that
we are here for you. You have a long grieving
journey ahead of you. Take it slow and do what you
find most helpful to you. If it is reading than
read, if it is writing in a journal than write.
I would also recommend you checking out a perinatal
bereavement group. It will help to meet other mothers
who have lost children. I overheard my husband say
one day that all of my new friends have dead babies.
If you pursue this, these friendships will prove to
be invaluable to you. Take care of yourself,

PS I recommend you reading Grieving for the Child
I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e
Moderator- Foro Latino
Future Adoptive Mom

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Re : Just saying hi....

Postby ann marie » Sat Jul 31, 2004 05:46 am

Oh Liz,

I'm keeping you and your husband in my prayers. I cannot imagine the pain and saddness that you are feeling. Please keep us updated on how you are doing and let us know if we can help in any way. Hugs,

Ann Marie (29)Moderator for "Ask the Experienced"
DH: Matt (32)
PIH/PE/Low Amniotic Fluid
Luke 3/17/04--37 weeks after 15 weeks of bedrest

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Just saying hi....

Postby e_allen » Sat Jul 31, 2004 02:29 am

hello again everyone. ethan and i are doing okay. we have our ups and downs as i'm sure you all have had. we have recieved lots of love and support from everyone, although we have also experienced those that do not know how much their words can hurt. we have lots of questions, some that can be answered and some that can't. i have a drs appt that ethan and i are going to together on tues.

i know i have begun to heal, with out ethan i wouldn't be able to get through. i bought some books about grieving and getting pregnant after a loss but i haven't taken them out of the bag yet. and i still haven't talked to anyone besides ethan and our parent - oh but we did visit my grandparents (my grandma lost her last child to placental abruption in 1960) i can't talk about what happened yet and i can't hear about how other people have moved on already.

i find myself resenting others that are pregnant or have babies, especially when they don't take care of themselves or children. like a friend of mine that got pregnant but continued to use cocaine but still had a beautiful baby girl. shes one now and my friend and her fiancee continue to use drugs, even while their child is in the room. they say they quit coke but i've walked in several times when they had been smoking pot. i just feel like ethan and i are more deserving of a child then those kind of people. how come they were blessed with a perfect pregnancy and a beautiful child and we had a very difficult pregnancy and lost our child?

i miss janell so much i feel as though i could die if i just layed in bed long enough. she was so beautiful and i would give anything just to hold her again. i know part of me is still in denial. i think part of me will alway be. i keep thinking that there must be some sort of mistake and i'll wake up or get a call saying i'm still pregnant or the baby took a breath and is fine. the ultra sound machine must have been broken. but i gave birth to her, and held he limp body long after she had become cold.

i hate being away from ethan now. he's pretty much the only one that can make me feel better. and i wish we could have sex. there is so much comfort in sex but we can't until i stop bleeding. at times it seems the only way i'll ever start to feel normal again is when we get pregnant but we can't even try with out an okay from the dr. i know another child will never replace janell or fill the hole he death left in my heart but it would make things better in a different way.

my milk has come in and my breasts are hard and painful. the nurses told me this should only last a week. i hate my body now. i feel odd not having a belly. its like you put up with your jiggley skin and fat thighs you get after pregnancy because you have a baby to show for it but we have nothing to show for it. just memories. memories of the worst time in our lives.

thanks for reading, i know this is long - i'm proud of you if you made it through the entire thing.

Janell Victory stillborn @ 31 weeks

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