dh & I had a great talk/questions for you all

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
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Re : dh & I had a great talk/questions for you all

Postby rachelt » Sat Aug 07, 2004 04:49 am

Hi Liz!

As you well know, I'm not prego right now, but I have a similar story as well. When I got preg. it was also a suprise, I was planning on moving out and leaving my boyfriend!! I had just graduated from college, and I was on my way to going to a teaching fellowship program. I had been with my boyfriend 5 years, and I was just plain tired!! Well, anyway, I can't believe this now, I wanted to have an abortion!! A baby was simply not in my plans lol!! Well, I could not get an abortion-I just couldn't do it, and I won't ever do it! My boyfriend and I got soooo close over our pregnancy, and are planning to get married in November! I feel that the baby did not die in vain this way, he brought Mommy and Daddy so close together! Now, I'm not going back to get my masters until I have a successful pregnancy and a new healthy baby!! Talk about a 360 turn, it's more like a 480, this baby has changed my life forever!

-Rachel T.

Michael Elijah George Graham Stillborn June 12, 2004
My Precious Angel Baby

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dh & I had a great talk/questions for you all

Postby e_allen » Sat Aug 07, 2004 02:34 am

I have been getting really scared lately thinking about the next pregnancy. I know that’s totally normal so I’m not worried. But here’s the thing. Janell was a surprise and, at the time, Ethan and I weren't married. He was very unsure about how to feel. When we found out I was already 10 weeks along, neither of us had jobs and we were living at my parents (in separate rooms!) Ethan didn’t know if he really wanted her. He was scared. He was one of those people who don’t consider a fetus a life until it’s born. well then I started to show and he got a great job and we moved and got married and found out it was a girl and he felt her kick tons and as time went on he loved her more than he ever thought he would. I think he realized that when we lost her.

So my concern was that he would be like that with the next too. I'm going to be scared to death and I don’t want to feel alone too. so Ethan and I were laying in bed and I just said, "how much do you want a baby?" he said, "ever?" with alarm in his voice I explained that of course I want kids but what about now. His answer? "I want another baby as soon as possible with my whole heart." oh, this made me feel really good. Some of my fears actually went away. He wants to make more of an effort with the next - be more involved from the beginning and especially after 20 weeks.

So I just thought I’d share that. Is anyone else TTC or preggo right now or had a baby after a loss? How do you handle it? What were/are your plans - like are you going to get stuff for the baby before it’s born - or wait to name it or find out the sex to try and stay "distant"? Are you afraid of getting too attached?

Also, who else is in Washington? since I was going to be a stay at home mom I have a lot of time until school starts (did I tell you guys I am going back to school - I only need like 5 more classes to get my degree) so I was wondering if anyone would like to get coffee or lunch sometime. Or does anyone attend the loss support groups?

And one more: does anyone have AOL instant messenger? My screen name is doherty twinfish IM me if you see me on!

Thanks for reading!

Janell Victory stillborn July 25, 2004 @ 31 weeks

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